The meeting

I'm so tired.

On Sunday, I had to go to a meeting at my bosses house (Is that the plural of 'boss' in that situation? Boss's, or boss', seems like it should be right but doesn't look like it. Whatever.) over dinner to discuss what we are to do about the current schedule/lack of humans.

Oh, did I mention the lack of humans? Of course not. My ONLY coworker put in his 2 weeks notice, and was told the next day not to come back. But they hadn't hired anyone else, leaving....Me. ME! ALONE! to do all the work on that shift. That's 7 days of work, 12 hours a day! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah.

So my manager, (the bread dude, who is my age, that I am/was apprenticing under)T and I all went over to the Victorian mansion that the boss people live in, and had a very surreal evening.

6pm: Arrive. Compliment house. Receive no response. Give wine. Receive no thank you.

6:05-6:20pm: Make uncomfortable introductions between T and bread dude. (I knew that they wouldn't be fans of one another. I rock, cause I was RIGHT.) Get weird tour of house from boss lady where she talks about all her expensive antiques and period-appropriate wall paper.

6:20pm-7pm: Sit and make uncomfortable small talk. Boss man arrives and has us touch and pet a box of furs his creepy friend brought back from Alaska. Discuss weddings, travel, and have long silences.

7pm: Dinner. Salad with still-frozen shrimp on top, dry pork, over cooked broccoli, potatoes, left over bread from bakery. Dessert is day-old pastries from bakery. I am put in my place for describing desserts to T without using the actual titles.

7:45pm-8:30pm: Discuss schedule, plans for bakery, my shift movement, hiring of new people. Boss lady chastises me for not eating all the pastries I make. Things are going fine--going to hire night person, going to move me to days, things are happy. New recipes are discussed, etc. Bread dude suddenly opens big fucking trap and says that I shouldn't be moved to days, bosses accept this. I sit with mouth open, stutter small protest, am talked over. Nearly weep.

8:45pm: Leave. Driving boss dude home as he totaled his car. Begin pseudo yelling at him for throwing me under the bus. He sits and stares at me.

8:50-9:15: Change clothes for work. Bread dude drinks a beer in my living room, makes strained small talk with T.

9:15: Drive bread dude home. More pseudo yelling. He verbally shrugs.

Then I went to work.

When I got home, I proceeded to sleep for about 19 hours. Now I am awake, and it's 9:30 in the morning. I have to work a 12 hour night tonight, come back in 5 hours later, then travel to my cousin's house to go to his gallery closing and have dinner. I will then come home on my birthday and sleep all day, because I have to work another 12-13 hour shift on Friday.

I am, to say the least, not happy.

I looked at the ads the manager boss people posted online--they aren't looking for a graveyard person. I may die. I cannot do this job. I definitely cannot do this job alone. I can, and will, quit if necessary. Then they will REALLY be fucked. But I don't want to quit because then I will feel like a failure because this is what I want to do with my life and it's technically my college and where else am I going to go and have this kind of opportunity, and this run on sentence really isn't doing me any justice and I should just remember that there is a difference between doing what you want with your life and getting fucked in the process and all I want to do is cry and admit defeat.

Seriously? I'm feeling really, really negative.

The next time my bosses or bread dude try to talk to me about this, it is not going to be pretty. I have essentially hit the wall as far as sleep goes, and it's making me so emotional and stressed. I'm losing sleep over this shit, having nightmares, and then am a zombie all 'day' when I am awake. I'm supposed to be so happy and excited about planning my wedding and 'carrying the ball' and furthering myself and all I want to do is quit this fucking job and go back to not working and being awake in the day time and functioning like a normal person.

But I wouldn't forgive myself for that. Ugh. What do I do?