Frigid

So dad's house flooded. The sprinkler main (a really really huge high pressure pipe) in the ceiling of the condo above ours exploded in the 10 degree weather we have been having, and as soon as it thawed it rained thousands of gallons of water down through the entire upstairs unit and down into ours, through ours, into the store room....

I'm told it was a waterfall. The place has to be gutted.

I'm exhausted. Dealing with all this shit, with my sisters refusal to assist in any way.

The only good thing? Because it's not our pipe, or the neighbors pipe, it belongs to the entire association so our insurance doesn't apply. Why is that good? My sister hasn't paid the homeowners insurance since dad died.

I'm sure my surprise is tangible.

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Anyway, it's fucking cold, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I can't sleep and I'm tired of every one's bullshit. I hate Christmas, I hate people, I hate pretending. I hate getting my feelings hurt for no reason, I hate being sensitive to things. I wish shit just didn't bother me, that I really didn't care about anything.

I wish that I didn't get mad, didn't want better than what I got. Sometimes I wish I was stupid, naive, selfish. Complacent.

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I just don't know when I'm going to see things in 'the light' rather than 'the reality/grim'. I don't know if I care.


I should be happy with my station in life.