Explosions!

Why does really weird crap always happen to me? I mean, really.

I have been working hard on getting sick the last few days. Everyone I work with has had some malady or another lately, and it's only a matter of time before we cross contaminate each other and create new illnesses, which of course I fall victim too. I can't just get the cold, no, or the flu, I have to get the flold, or the colu (which sounds too much like a Lovecraft-ism for me, actually.)

basically, I felt like crap for the last 2 days. Not crappy enough not to go to work, but just like....crap. Tired, achy, sneezy, coughing. Crap. I powered through work, taking airborne and vitamins in a crusade to give myself kidney stones instead of getting sick. (And drinking lots of water, too. Peeing is my new hobby.)

Night before last, I am sitting in my bedroom, dicking around on the Internet and arguing with my immune system. Doing my thing. I have one of those oil diffusers--you know, the glass thing you put the candle under, which then heats up the little divot above it you have filled with scented oil. Yeah. That thing.

Anyway, I'm cheap and bought my oil at the Super Huge Discount Store for $1. It was working fine....Until.....

I'm typing away, and suddenly, there is a BANG! followed shortly by the sound of rain. I glance to my left, and everything, I mean EVERYTHING on that side of the room is covered in a fine sheen of Hazelnut vanilla scented oil. Which is also steaming hot.

What I figure happened was the oil evaporated most of the moisture out of it, and then formed a skin on the top, which then began to fill with steam/pressure from what was underneath it, and then it reached critical mass and exploded all over my bedroom.

This would be more funny if it hadn't blasted itself all over the ceiling. How the hell am I going to clean it up without moving all the furniture? I'm not.

There was another explosion yesterday.

My fever.

I slept and slept and slept, got up, showered, slept. Fixed my hair, slept. Drug my ass to work. Before I left, I took my temperature.

102.4.

So I took 4 tylenols and walked to work.

I walked in the door and informed everyone I walked into "Don't touch me, and wash your hands after you touch anything I touched--I'm burning 102 degree fever!"

Management accepted this information with a resounding "Good Job! Way to be a team player!"

I assume they meant my powering through it and still working.

Anyway, i was working a banquet last night, which is fine. Easy money.

These fuckers wouldn't leave. WOULD NOT LEAVE! Most of them went up and went to bed at 9:40 or so, AN HOUR AFTER THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE, but the rest stayed. and stayed. and stayed. Ordered more bottles of wine.

It's about this time that I nearly lost it. I felt like ASS. FEVER. SICK. WANT TO GO HOME. everyone else has left, all the servers, the kitchen staff. It's just me, standing there, waiting for them to LEAVE SO I CAN.

I clear everything they aren't using. all glasses, napkins, silverware. One man orders another bottle of wine. I ask him if my clearing this stuff is a problem, he says no. I explain that I have to stay longer than they do, so, well, yeah....

He says, and I quote! "Well, good for you, honey! We're going to be here a while!".

I nearly hit him.

I called T and told him what was up. Unbeknownst to me, he was sitting in my house waiting for me, so he came down to the restaurant to wait for me/drive me home.

I grabbed him like I was drowning. the moment he touched me, he jumped back, put a hand to my forehead and said, "Jesus!", which I took to meant I was still burning a fever through the tylenol, and not that my hair had all fallen out or anything.

I made an executive decision.

I walked into the banquet room, and said,

"Gentlemen, would you be horribly offended if I left you here on your own? I have an 8 month old baby at home with the flu, and I would really like to get back to her."

I was met with a resounding "GO HOME!" from these men. I gave them more wine, and left.

To go take care of myself. (I really hope creating fake children to earn the sympathy of strangers isn't going to have me smote in any way.....I suppose we will see.)

Oh, and I'm feeling better today. I think I beat the fever. Hoping.