"You totally had a mullet, didn't you?"

Question asked to one of my coworkers a few weeks ago, to which he responded with "Well....yeah. Is it that obvious?"

I thought it was funny. But then again, I know these people.

Hey, did you know that being horribly depressed but trying to mask it while working, especially while sleep deprived and stressed out can cause you to to really strange things?

Like, oh, sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the bar you work in because there is an ASPCA commerical on the big screen TV, featuring the song "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin as its soundtrack. Potentially unloved animals+Sappy chick music=I have to run from the restaurant floor, audibly crying.

Also:

Getting into a battle of wits with the Coast Guard. (Good fun, actually.)

Also:

Falling asleep in the breakroom.

Perhaps.....I should sleep more. Try and do my crying at home.

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Moving on.

You know when you were a kid, and your parents would tell you that eating dessert before dinner is not an option, one pound candy bars cannot be eaten in one sitting, rolling in the mud in your Sunday best is not a good idea, and keeping your pants on in public is really a good idea?

At some point in your childhood, you answered, "When I'm a grown up, I'm going to {insert forbidden act here} all the time!", to which your parents would agree, and tell you that yes, as an adult you can take off your pants in the grocery store, stay up until 3am watching scary movies, and eat 9 pounds of chocolate, whenever you want. But not now.

I was reminded of this today, when I got home from work, threw a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, and proceeded to eat a diet ice cream sandwich while watching the plastic tray revolve. Dessert first.

I have a sweet tooth. Huge, huge sweet tooth. I can't eat a lot of candy, because my teeth are so sensitive, which is probably a blessing and the only thing keeping me from having to be lifted out of my house by a crane. But I loves me some dessert.

But I loves me some dessert BEFORE the meal. Granted, I have strange eating habits anyway (I can only eat one thing at a time. Like, on a plate full of food--the protein, starch and veggie--I will eat all the veggie, then all the starch, then the protein. No mixing, no trying all three things separately, always the veggie, starch and protein, that order, even if I don't like one of the items. I didn't know that I did this until I was eating out with a friend of mine who commented on it. I do it with casseroles and shit too--will pick out the veggies, eat them, then the starch, and so on. It's like I get mouth-sensory-overload if I don't do this--panic attack, almost. Weird.) but somehow, my tummy and mouth are happier if I start with sweet rather than end with it. Almost like my taste buds prefer the transition from sweet to savory than savory to sweet.

Anyway, so while I stood in my kitchen, clad in a bathrobe, eating ice cream and waiting for my lean cuisine, (all I need is a herd of cats to complete the equation, right?)I thought back to when I was a kid, and this was forbidden.

Now I'm a grown up, and, goddamnit, I will eat my ice cream first! Take that, Mom!

And sob hysterically at commericals while waiting tables. Ah, freedom.