The Aftermath

So my company Christmas party was Tuesday.

Several firsts came of this evening, and I will do my best to describe them clearly.

The party was at a lodge some 20 or so miles from our workplace. I had never been there, and the description given to me by my coworkers was "Turn right on the goat trail before you get to the huge Casino". Indeed, it was up a goat trail of sorts--but very nice.

I went with members of the kitchen staff, as T had to work and would not be able to attend. It was sort of like going to prom, but only ten or more years later, and on the company dime.

Speaking of the company dime, we had to pay for drinks. (Not that big of a deal, but still, we were promised that we wouldn't have to.) This did not stop most of the Food and Beverage department from getting tanked, but more on that later.

We had a lovely meal, salmon, spiral ham (I loves me some ham.), Caesar salad. It was weird to eat while sitting at a table in front of my coworkers--I see these people every day, share meals with them regularly--but normally, we are standing over a trash can or the dish pit, taking huge bites and not chewing all the way so we can go wait on people/cook. But it was nice.

The portion of the party that everyone looks forward to are the door prizes. Gift certificates, meals at upscale restaurants, kitchen gadgets--all the way to full paid vacations to Disney Land. At least, those were the gifts in the years prior.

This year, well, they took a different approach.

The Executive Chef won a garbage bag full of toilet paper. The Banquet Coordinator, who is retiring in two weeks and has worked for this company 20 years won a broom. The Catering Coordinator won a whisk broom.

When my number was called to claim my prize, upon getting to my feet I threw my arms in the air like I stuck the landing at the Olympics. (People are still teasing me for receiving the biggest cheer/applause) What did I win, my friends?

A Plunger.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

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After the grand prize winning was over (PLUNGER?????) we went to the casino to gamble a little and watch management get wasted.

I went straight to the bar, knowing where everyone would be. I sat with the kitchen staff from both restaurants, including my Executive Chef. I had one drink. (Remember that. We all know what I lush I am anyway, but remember, one drink.) A good chunk of the people I am sitting with are totally obliterated, but there are two people (the two that rode with me) who don't drink at all. I had, say it with me now, One Drink.

We got cut off. (That's a first for me! Never been cut off before, and definitely not with my boss.)

They were going to cut off the two people that rode with me, and they were all about it until we were informed that if you are wearing the "No More For Me!" Sticker, you can't drive off the lot. I already had it on--if they had them too we would have been stuck getting a room at the casino. Luckily, one of the other servers was causing such a fuss that they kind of ignored the rest of us.

We left, but apparently everyone else was escorted out. Hilarity.

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I will not be joining my family for Christmas this year because I have to work. They rearranged schedules so that I can attend--as strangely kind as this is considering who we are talking about--Now I have to buy them all presents. Lord.

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I stole this from Brian, who is a stronger man than I with the not smoking.

Five Things
Five Things I Just Don’t Get:
1) Child or Animal Abuse
2) Our Health care System
3) Chick Flicks
4) Pinochle
5) Normal Christmas Gifts

Five Things, Other Than Money, I Wish I Had More Of:
1) Paid Vacation
2) Patience
3) Self Discipline
4) Answers
5) Time

Five Least Favorite Words or Phrases:
1) Oh, my freakin GOD! (In the Valley Girl voice)
2) This is unacceptable!
3) Panties
4) Nuh-Uh!
5) Can we have separate checks?

Five Famous People I’ve Spoken With In Person:
1) The Presidents of the USA (Can that count as more than one?)
2) KD Lang
3) The lead singer of Train whose name I didn't care to remember
4) David Sedaris
5) Sweet Mother Sound System

Five Things I Do Nearly Daily That I Don’t Enjoy:
1) Work
2) Get up before noon
3) Smile at people I want to scream at
4) Quietly stress about my life
5) Floss

Five Things I Have Actually Done That Sound Like Lies:
1) Danced on a bar, multiple times
2) Went repelling off a dam (anyone who knows me will say this is amazing)
3) Waited on KD Lang
4) Had Thanksgiving with the Presidents of the USA
5) Not been fired for insubordination, ever. (Knock wood.)


And, well, thats it.