The house of sisterly resentment

well, my family left yesterday.

Thank....god.

Don't get me wrong--I like my sisters alright....but over long periods of time, and when they start doing things I hate (that I have already addressed with them several times, I will get there in a minute), well, it's time to leave, thanks.

They arrived this week because we were meeting with the hospital about my father's death. Always pleasant--definitely something I was not looking forward to.

Anyway, the meeting was fine, and I managed to make all four panel members cry (The CEO, community advocate, risk management person and the head of the ER department) without intending to. The CEO asked us how we deal with our grief--and instead of saying nothing/telling the man to mind his own, they piped right up about how they are in counselling and so on. One sister made mention of the fact that I, the youngest by 24 years, was the one to see him fall and see him die, to sign the paperwork that gave consent for the DNR, and took care of him for two years prior to his death....

All heads turn to me. Wanting to know what I have done to de-grief myself. Up until this point, I had uttered probably three sentences the entire meeting.

"Me? I haven't done anything. I still live in his house, I sleep in his bed. I drive his cars. Every morning when I get out of bed my feet land on the bloodstain where his head was when we found him the night he died. I receive phone calls asking for him. I work a lot, to try to keep busy, but the majority of my customers are friends of his and all they want to do is talk about him. I am 25 years old and this is the second parental figure I have lost in a traumatic way. I am young, still a child by most people's standards, but I have seen grief and trauma that most people twice my age have not. So you ask me what I have done to try and deal with the pain....And I have done nothing. It will either heal over time or it won't, but no matter what happens, I have to keep moving forward, so that's what I'm doing."

All four people are crying. I am confused. As we are leaving the meeting, the CEO hugs me (?) and says--"You cannot blame yourself. You did everything right, and we were the ones that messed up. None of this is your fault."

What do you say to that? 'I know!', 'Thanks!'. Jesus.

My sisters are just tickled that I performed the way I was "supposed to". I just told the truth.

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Anyway, my one sister is a control freak. Her favorite thing to do is to wait until I am out of the house and then re-organize everything to her standards, so that I cannot find anything for months after her departure. She has done this time and time again, and I have asked her not to time and time again.

She did it again this week while I was at work, and I am ready to kill her. I can't find my kitchen! I mean, the room is there, but all my shit--mail, knick knacky stuff, my files, pay stubs, recipes etc., are missing. Its not like this stuff was jumbled in piles on the counter--I had organized it all into folders before their arrival.

Oh, and a bunch of dad's shit is missing now, too.

I am not happy.