Woe Cake leads to a trip on the Wahmbulance

I got a job yesterday.

I am freaked out by this.

Yes, it's just weekends.

Yes, it has the potential for me to progress my beloved potential career as a pastry chef. Yes, it is money that is much needed by our household. Yes, it is very close to our house and I can walk there and the owner knows of my impending marriage and need to take time to deal with things of that nature.

But I fear.

I fear that I will hate the job, that the job will hate me. That I will have horrible coworkers again, that it will be akin to serving once more. I fear that I won't be any good.

At the same time, I hope.

I hope that I will be able to prove myself a worthwhile employee, that the manager will have heard my words telling her that I wish to become a pastry chef, will have heard the words that my references gave saying that I have real potential in that department, that I will be given the opportunity to shine.

I hope that this will happen and save me from having to spend money out the butt to go to college.

I'm always apprehensive before I start a job. I have had terrible experiences working in places like this, but I have to remember--this is not the same. This is not the same management, the same mission statement.

I'm just really tired of looking for the 'worst case scenario' in all things, my need to prepare myself for the worst so that I am never let down. Why can't I allow myself to be excited, to be happy that I finally have overcome the depressed job market in this county and we are going to have that much more money each month?

My anxiety--It sucks.

I need to just take all the negative feelings I've got, realize that they are potentially relevant, and then put them away and allow myself some optimism.