Uuuugh

So, you know how I said that I was feeling better for taking the liquid medicine and sleeping? How my nose was killing me but that I thought I was on the mend?

Lies, all mother fucking lies.

I feel like complete and utter crap. My nose is less angry, sure, I can breathe, but my ears are totally plugged up, I'm all hot and listless and cranky and generally ill and not fun to be around.

I assume this means that I am on the mend, my complete and utter lack of friendliness or patience or kindness of any sort.

I realized how shitty I must look/act/sound when I looked up to find T, fresh off of a night shift of work (read: Done at 5 this morning) cleaning the house without complaint or my having to ask. This means that he feels really bad for me. Or that he doesn't want to see me sob in my kitchen again. Or use hand sanitizer 20394585 times while emptying the dishwasher. (Because I'm nothing if not conscientious of other people.)

A good friend of my dad's passed away this morning. He essentially drank himself to death. His wife was a horrible, evil harpy of a woman, who, in my opinion, had a lot to do with his death. But mostly, and this is weird to most people, I am not sad that he has died. I feel like it's a blessing--he isn't sick anymore, he isn't dealing with his horrible wife. He had no quality of life, at all, really, and now the pain and sickness is over.

I'm just a ray of fucking sunshine today. I'm thinking seriously about going back to bed. I'm eating zinc lozenges like they are candy, drinking gallons of tea, putting layer after layer of lotion on my nose and trying to stay warm. It's not helping. And I'm really pissed off about it.

Happy New Year.