Blargh

I only worked a half day today and I'm so ready to go to bed. It's not even 6 yet. Sigh. Doubles tomorrow, and Friday, then I am off to the other restaurant to attempt to not kill the man who fancied himself king, or TV, as he will be known from now on.

One of the girls I work with down there is oh-so-nice, but oh-so-dumb. I like her, and we get along fine, but having normal conversations is slightly difficult.

She didn't know who Chuck Norris was.

She hasn't read a book since the third grade.

Now, I know that Chuck Norris isn't a major figure in today's culture, he's not the president or a senator or anything, head of a major cult, you know what I mean. But he's HUGE as far as 'campy' goes. Everyone knows who he is, right? You can't turn around without seeing a joke about him being able to slam a revolving door or something....and yet--nothing. Oh well.

The book thing, though, that threw me.

Speaking of books, Chuck Palahniuk has a new one out and if I don't own it soon my head is going to fall off. I worry that it's going to suck like some of his other new stuff has (oops! Did I say that?) but I am compelled to read just the same. Compelled! I tell you.

New work uniforms. Thank the lord baby jesus. that's all I have to say about that. No more pumpkin, for the love of all things holy.

I had plans of writing a good, long blog. And here I sit, with nothing coming forth. Nothing! Sigh. My ex is moving to China, which T says is the best place for him. (and this one isn't even one of the famous exes!)

Im supposed to go have a drink with Anti-Chuck Norris girl tonight. I should go. But she always gets so freaking loaded, so quick! Oh well, drinking Lemon Drop martinis like they're shots will do that to you. I usually sit there and have my obigatory one glass of cabernet and watch the hilarity ensue.

I just don't have any patience for people that drink to get fucked up every time. I know that is judgemental, and not fair, and that I should take into account how this girl just recently turned 21, but....Well, I was raised in a house of alcoholics. All I knew from birth, basically, is that drinking too much makes you mean and stupid and my mother. I don't want to meet my mother for cocktails, dinner or even a glass of milk. I know it's a stumbling block that I should get over, but it just sticks with me--I always, always get irritated or pissed at people if I'm out with them and they get totally fucking shitfaced. Internal monologue starts up about 'being responsible' and 'ruining it for everyone else'--But that's unfair, as I have gone out and just gotten plastered before as well. I have ruined it for everyone else. But for me, the hangover isn't the worst part, its the guilt I feel afterwards. Did I act like an asshole? Did I say something out of turn?

A friend of mine once told me that the only time he had ever seen me really relax was when I had about 5 beers in me (after having a man in a Stihl hat put his finger in my buttcrack--there is a story to this, I swear. And I wasn't too happy that he did it) and smoked some pot. I just....stopped caring about shit. I stopped caring that my life was in a shambles, that I had so many things to worry about, to take care of, to deal with....I just was there, in the moment.

I don't know that this is what I was doing just then. I remember it more as being a "I need to go to bed now" sort of situation, and the worries were still swimming around in there, I just wasn't focused on them like I normally am. I don't let shit go. I can't just put it aside, and have fun.

I think that stems from my childhood as well, actually. I think that because I have had so many responsibilities for so long, the idea of not having something to deal with, worry about or be in charge of is totally foreign.

I should work on that.