Snap your neck like a toothpick

I had a great day at work today.

No, really.

Honest! You don't believe me?

You shouldnt.

I had the sort of day that causes people to 1)quit 2)get fired 3)sob uncontrollably 4)scream 5)a strange combination of the previous four.

Question:

Who in their right mind comes into a restaurant at 12:30, sees that there is only available seating for 4, sits, and then informs the server that there will be 16 in their party?

My new best friends.

Who then informs the server that they feel that other guests in the restaurant should be asked to leave so that their tables can be aquired?

My new best friends.

Who then, upon being told that, NO, no guests will be asked to leave so that their tables can be used for others, asks if there are tables on other floors of the restaurant/outside that can be moved to accomodate their party?

My new best friends.

Who, then, upon being told...NO, there will be no great furniture exodus on their behalf, begin stealing chairs from other tables to seat members of their party that have not arrived yet, while telling their server that she is "not very accomodating"?

Guess.

Oh, it gets better.

Of course, the next course of action for these people is to plunk one of themselves/some item that belongs to them on any table that becomes free, and then proceed to table-hop so the delivery of drinks, food or checks becomes impossible.

Then, of course, to make rediculous demands, such as "Can you make it 4 degrees cooler in here?", "Can I have my water warmed up?But I dont want it hot."

Kill me.

Luckily, the general manager and vice president were in the restaurant, (so I couldnt kill anyone for fear of being fired) so I passed the problem along to them and they took care of it.

AKA "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU INGRATES DOING????"

I smiled, laughed, and was sweet as pie to these people. "But of course!" "Absolutely sir!" "Not a problem!".

I then walked into the kitchen and declared:

"WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, IF THESE PEOPLE EVER COME BACK EVER AGAIN, I AM CLOCKING OUT AND GETTING MY MOTHERFUCKING GUN. DO YOU HEAR ME? PREPARE YOURSELVES TO BE SMUGGLING MY ASS CIGARETTES IN PRISON, BECAUSE THATS WHERE IM HEADED, GODDAMNIT!"

And then they left, and I finally started my period, so Im feeling much better now.

But I better get a gun lock.