Every day when I go to work, my father accuses me of just that, sleeping with the enemy. See, the town in which we live is a resort town, and owned by a corporation. It wasnt always this way. People who have lived here for more than 10 years remember the days in which you could paint your house without corporate approval, had a say in landscaping, and could go out to eat without paying higher prices becuase, you guessed it, corporate gets a cut.
I dont mind sleeping with the enemy. I dont really agree with the corporation I work for, on any level, other than the fact that they have deemed me worthy to work for them and pay me more money than I have ever made. That I whole-heartedly concur with. Sign me up.
However.
I recieved my first paycheck of any substance today. For some reason, the corportation has not figured out exactly WHERE in the company I work, as my paycheck was sent to a totally different department. A department I have never worked in, let alone BEEN in for more than 10 minutes while at work. Did they look at my timecard? Apparently not, as it would have said....I WORK IN THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAY!
This is classic behavior from the company. Things like this happen regularly--It has been equated to a monkey rodeo before. Dont get me wrong--they have brought tourism and money to this sleepy little town, which is great--but they have also pissed a lot of people off and make retardo mistakes on a regular basis. Irregardless.
Im not terribly sure where I was going with this. I like my job, it pays well, the people are nice, but the company is a bunch of barrel-racing apes.
Sounds about right for Corporate America, no?
Friday, January 5, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Interesting
I went and played at this site and learned a few things.
Like the fact that I dont exsist.
There are zero people in the US with my full name. My mother is the only person in the US with her name, and there are 45 of my Thomas. My exboyfriends exsist either one, nine, one hundred and twenty nine, nineteen, zero, or seven hundred fifty nine times.
There are 38,997 people with the same first name as I in the US. Not counting me, as I dont exsist, of course. 99.9 of them are female. (who is the poor sap with my name as a man?) For some reason, my name, along with 17 others, is tied for the 897th most popular name.
I dont exsist. I think that is frighteningly appropriate, given as to how I am feeling at the moment.
Apparently, no one with my last name exsists. Lord, that explains everything! My whole family, with the exception of my mother, is a lie!
Oh, shit.
Like the fact that I dont exsist.
There are zero people in the US with my full name. My mother is the only person in the US with her name, and there are 45 of my Thomas. My exboyfriends exsist either one, nine, one hundred and twenty nine, nineteen, zero, or seven hundred fifty nine times.
There are 38,997 people with the same first name as I in the US. Not counting me, as I dont exsist, of course. 99.9 of them are female. (who is the poor sap with my name as a man?) For some reason, my name, along with 17 others, is tied for the 897th most popular name.
I dont exsist. I think that is frighteningly appropriate, given as to how I am feeling at the moment.
Apparently, no one with my last name exsists. Lord, that explains everything! My whole family, with the exception of my mother, is a lie!
Oh, shit.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Hmmmmm.....Yeah.
I worked all day today.
No smoking.
No even real desire to smoke.
Then my mother called. Actually, I am still talking to her. Shes drunk, and telling me all about how the fact that she married Terry is my fault, and therefore all the bad things that happened to her because of her life with Terry are my fault too.
She has forbidden me to talk to friends of hers. I sent this person an email telling them I was going to quit smoking, they mentioned this to mom, and now mom has screamed and yelled and accused me of all sorts of things.
She's being passive-agressively nice. I can tell she doesnt want me to be mad at her, that she doesnt want to be in a fight, but she wants to get the point across that she is to be obeyed.
And shes going on and on and on and on about how shes the reason that Im doing ok and turned out like a reasonable human is her fault.
Sigh.
I smoked half a cigarette, and it made me sick. HOORAY!!!!!!!!
I think thats the thing I needed to jump start my ass.
Lord, I wish my mom would shut up.
No smoking.
No even real desire to smoke.
Then my mother called. Actually, I am still talking to her. Shes drunk, and telling me all about how the fact that she married Terry is my fault, and therefore all the bad things that happened to her because of her life with Terry are my fault too.
She has forbidden me to talk to friends of hers. I sent this person an email telling them I was going to quit smoking, they mentioned this to mom, and now mom has screamed and yelled and accused me of all sorts of things.
She's being passive-agressively nice. I can tell she doesnt want me to be mad at her, that she doesnt want to be in a fight, but she wants to get the point across that she is to be obeyed.
And shes going on and on and on and on about how shes the reason that Im doing ok and turned out like a reasonable human is her fault.
Sigh.
I smoked half a cigarette, and it made me sick. HOORAY!!!!!!!!
I think thats the thing I needed to jump start my ass.
Lord, I wish my mom would shut up.
Alright.
Im doing online research about quitting smoking.
It tells me several things, but one of the most prevalent ones is that I should begin seeing myself as a non-smoker, and that if I do have a cigarrette, to forgive myself for it and see myself as a non-smoker who had a cigarette. Im not really sure how that works, but what the hell.
We are at.....30 hours.
Christ.
It says that the symptoms of nicotine withdrawl are:
restlessness
irritability
tiredness
trouble sleeping
difficulty concentrating
feelings of frustration and anger
dizziness (may only last 1-2 days in the beginning)
depression and moodiness
headache
increased appetite
Hooray, I have all of them, with the exception of headache. This is interesting, as I get a headache from just about everything. But shit, man, am I eating. Lord. Apparently, it peaks on day three. At least that will be a day off for me. I apologised to all of my customers today for potentially being scatterbrained and/or rude because I am trying to quit, and they were all cheering me on and tipped really well. Thats something.
I guess the important thing is to identify myself as a non-smoker. Its been so long! Oh well.
But if I keep eating, man, Im going to need to be lifted out of my house with a crane. But i wont have a problem staying in the hospital--Because I am a non-smoker.
It tells me several things, but one of the most prevalent ones is that I should begin seeing myself as a non-smoker, and that if I do have a cigarrette, to forgive myself for it and see myself as a non-smoker who had a cigarette. Im not really sure how that works, but what the hell.
We are at.....30 hours.
Christ.
It says that the symptoms of nicotine withdrawl are:
restlessness
irritability
tiredness
trouble sleeping
difficulty concentrating
feelings of frustration and anger
dizziness (may only last 1-2 days in the beginning)
depression and moodiness
headache
increased appetite
Hooray, I have all of them, with the exception of headache. This is interesting, as I get a headache from just about everything. But shit, man, am I eating. Lord. Apparently, it peaks on day three. At least that will be a day off for me. I apologised to all of my customers today for potentially being scatterbrained and/or rude because I am trying to quit, and they were all cheering me on and tipped really well. Thats something.
I guess the important thing is to identify myself as a non-smoker. Its been so long! Oh well.
But if I keep eating, man, Im going to need to be lifted out of my house with a crane. But i wont have a problem staying in the hospital--Because I am a non-smoker.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
To distract me from wanting to kill someone.....
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Worked 3 jobs in the course of one year, moved out of state of my own volition, saw 2 bands in concert that I had never seen before....Lots of stuff, actually. Went to Las Vegas.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I think my resolution was to "be happy" and "get the fuck out of MT", and I did both, I think. My one for this year is to quit smoking and stop being fat, and they aren't going so well.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?No
4. Did anyone close to you die?no
5. What countries did you visit? none, actually, other than this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More stability, and focus on where I am going and what I am doing
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?January 31st, February 23
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?Hrm....I really dont know. I guess it would be moving here in the first place or something.
9. What was your biggest failure?Not standing up for myself more
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?Not really
11. What was the best thing you bought?Good shoes.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Thomas, for being so patient, Eric for being so blunt, and everyone that loves me for being there when I needed them the most. Fawn for helping me move!!!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My mother, as usual, and some other people that dont bear mentioning
14. Where did most of your money go?Paying off money I owed, clothes, gifts....BOOKS.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?Vegas. DJ Shadow. Adventures as a general whole
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?Private Eyes, Hall and Oates
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
a) Happier
b) Thinner
c) richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Reflecting. Spending time on me. Telling the people that are important just that. Relaxing.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?Eating.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With my sister, nephews and niece.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006? Thats right, bitches
22. How many one-night stands? less than zero
23. What was your favorite TV program? I dont watch a whole lot of TV.....Probably oz or Intervention
24. What are you looking forward to in the coming year, entertainment wise? The 300 looks interesting. Lots of movies. Books, the normal crap I get pumped about.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I either hate everyone or no one, depending on my medication level.
25. What was the best book you read? wormwood
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? did I discover anything this year?
27. What did you want and get? I wanted to be free and I got it.
28. What did you want and not get? Riches beyond my wildest dreams
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Beerfest. Jackass 2.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24. Went to the bar, got drunk, had a load of fun and got called a whore.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry or work a job I hated.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Thomas makes marla stop dressing like a homeless person all the time.
33. What kept you sane? my friends.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? uuuuuhhhhh.......I dont know.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?I get fired up about shit all the time.
36. Who did you miss? everyone I left behind, and those who left me behind.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I think my resolution was to "be happy" and "get the fuck out of MT", and I did both, I think. My one for this year is to quit smoking and stop being fat, and they aren't going so well.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?No
4. Did anyone close to you die?no
5. What countries did you visit? none, actually, other than this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More stability, and focus on where I am going and what I am doing
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?January 31st, February 23
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?Hrm....I really dont know. I guess it would be moving here in the first place or something.
9. What was your biggest failure?Not standing up for myself more
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?Not really
11. What was the best thing you bought?Good shoes.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Thomas, for being so patient, Eric for being so blunt, and everyone that loves me for being there when I needed them the most. Fawn for helping me move!!!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My mother, as usual, and some other people that dont bear mentioning
14. Where did most of your money go?Paying off money I owed, clothes, gifts....BOOKS.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?Vegas. DJ Shadow. Adventures as a general whole
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?Private Eyes, Hall and Oates
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
a) Happier
b) Thinner
c) richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Reflecting. Spending time on me. Telling the people that are important just that. Relaxing.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?Eating.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With my sister, nephews and niece.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006? Thats right, bitches
22. How many one-night stands? less than zero
23. What was your favorite TV program? I dont watch a whole lot of TV.....Probably oz or Intervention
24. What are you looking forward to in the coming year, entertainment wise? The 300 looks interesting. Lots of movies. Books, the normal crap I get pumped about.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I either hate everyone or no one, depending on my medication level.
25. What was the best book you read? wormwood
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? did I discover anything this year?
27. What did you want and get? I wanted to be free and I got it.
28. What did you want and not get? Riches beyond my wildest dreams
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Beerfest. Jackass 2.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24. Went to the bar, got drunk, had a load of fun and got called a whore.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry or work a job I hated.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Thomas makes marla stop dressing like a homeless person all the time.
33. What kept you sane? my friends.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? uuuuuhhhhh.......I dont know.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?I get fired up about shit all the time.
36. Who did you miss? everyone I left behind, and those who left me behind.
Day 2:
No smoking, all day, not once, today. I have been awake for 12 hours, and no smoking. None. None at all, zero. My co-workers, they smoked, oh, did they, my father.....but not me. And good god, do I want to. Im eating everything I can get my hands on and drinking pot after pot of coffee, and that seems to be helping. When i blow up like a balloon from all the eating and rattle my teeth out of my head from the caffiene, maybe then I wont want to smoke.
Or it wont matter.
Anyway....wish me luck. The co-workers that I have that have quit say that if you can make it past the 7 day mark it gets a lot easier. I have only ever made it to 6.
They also said they each gained around 20 pounds, which they either didnt lose or lost over the course of years.
That shit ain't going to fly with me, thanks. No, I gain 20 pounds, my ass will be smoking again before you can say what. I have busted my ass to lose weight.....I know, I know....its better to be alive than skinny, but obesity will kill you just as fast as smoking will, thanks.
Sigh.
Or it wont matter.
Anyway....wish me luck. The co-workers that I have that have quit say that if you can make it past the 7 day mark it gets a lot easier. I have only ever made it to 6.
They also said they each gained around 20 pounds, which they either didnt lose or lost over the course of years.
That shit ain't going to fly with me, thanks. No, I gain 20 pounds, my ass will be smoking again before you can say what. I have busted my ass to lose weight.....I know, I know....its better to be alive than skinny, but obesity will kill you just as fast as smoking will, thanks.
Sigh.
Monday, January 1, 2007
My Life as a Non-Smoker, Day One:
Didn't happen today. I smoked.
ONE CIGARETTE! As much as I want to scream "I failed!" And smoke and smoke and smoke and smoke and smoke and start all over tomorrow.....I am not. Granted, were I alone, Im sure thats what would be happening, but Thomas is here, and Jen was here earlier, so that is that.
But fuck, do I want another cigarette. I did really well, no smoking this morning, none at work, but when I was done with work I came home and just attacked Thomas. I lasted a few more hours before actually caving and smoking. Which made me high. And then I slept on the couch and it was glorious.
How was everyone's New Year's? I "Clopened"--worked open to close last night (12 hours! No sitting! Not once! Came home, drank a glass of wine, took a shower, and went to bed! CLANG! HAPPY NEW YEAR!) and then got up and opened again today.
Without smoking. Until I had been home for an hour.
Anyway, I'm bereft due to nicotine withdrawl, and so I will cut this short. FuckASS I want a cigarette. Not even a whole one, like, 2 drags. that would be great.....
ONE CIGARETTE! As much as I want to scream "I failed!" And smoke and smoke and smoke and smoke and smoke and start all over tomorrow.....I am not. Granted, were I alone, Im sure thats what would be happening, but Thomas is here, and Jen was here earlier, so that is that.
But fuck, do I want another cigarette. I did really well, no smoking this morning, none at work, but when I was done with work I came home and just attacked Thomas. I lasted a few more hours before actually caving and smoking. Which made me high. And then I slept on the couch and it was glorious.
How was everyone's New Year's? I "Clopened"--worked open to close last night (12 hours! No sitting! Not once! Came home, drank a glass of wine, took a shower, and went to bed! CLANG! HAPPY NEW YEAR!) and then got up and opened again today.
Without smoking. Until I had been home for an hour.
Anyway, I'm bereft due to nicotine withdrawl, and so I will cut this short. FuckASS I want a cigarette. Not even a whole one, like, 2 drags. that would be great.....
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