Latey McLaterton

Its been a while, my dears. I find myself increasingly more pressed for time as these weeks pass.

Not that that is a decent excuse or anything, but there you go.

Lots of thinking, lately. (No, it didnt hurt, thanks.) The man that shot my stepfather shot someome else and got a promotion. How nice for him.

I toil to be successful. I mean, I make reasonably good money doing what I do. I bust my ass for said money, but thats the reason its called work, right? Anyway, in five years, do I want to wake up every morning and get ready to go wait tables? I used to say that I would never again work a job that caused me to have to ask if someone would like a bag--Now I just ask if they would like cheese or bread. Lateral moves, people. But the money is better.

The point I am trying to make, or was trying to make before I wandered off somewhere, was that I would like to think that I am a good person, who just happens to have a lot of issues and problems, most of which are out of her control. The ones I have ownership to are another post altogether, thanks. (The weight loss is not working, perhaps because I stopped working out. Hrmmmmm....) Im reasonably intelligent, I have a good work ethic. I understand the importance of responsibility and order.

Yet I wait tables for minimum wage plus tips, while the man that shot my stepfather, who is known to be a complete asshole, as well as terrible at his job (or at least with the parts that involve working with the public--haha, hes a cop!) can shoot people, get cleared of any wrong-doing by a corrupt department, and wind up being given medals of honor and promotions, increases in rates of pay and so on.

It really doesnt give me the warm fuzzies. No, not at all.

My mother is playing the reverse guilt game I hate so much, where she plays the innocent, loving mother victim, and makes me out to be the cold-hearted, uncaring daughter who wants only for her mother to dissappear.

My father spilled an entire container of dry oatmeal into the washing machiene last week.

Just reading that makes me laugh again.

I just dont want to have to be poor my whole life, or to have a job that most people consider a jumping off point or something they would hate to do just to pay my bills.

The sleeping pills are kicking in. Time for the night night.

Ruined

There are things in this world, that if I am exposed to, ruin me. For days. Things like animal cruelty. i have spoken of this briefly elsewhere, but I dont know that anyone truly understands. Hell, I dont understand it, I know that I love animals, but I really dont know where this total physical and emotional intolerance of it stems from.

There is an ASPCA commerical that I saw, and sobbed openly. Then I vomited. Hours later, I recounted this story to Thomas, and there was more sobbing. Its a commericial.

Just recently, I was half watching a program about a serial killer, and he began to talk about how he started his sociopathic behavior. The things he had done to animals, cats. Dogs. I had to change the channel, but wasn't fast enough. 2 things made it out in sound and in picture before I could change the channel, and this is going to haunt me for hours, if not days. I will have nightmares about it.

I have always loved animals and despised, with the whole of my being, the abuse of animals in any form. But lately it has intensified. Im not sure why or how, or if this is a good thing or not.

The only thing that is giving me any solace about the serial killer is that he is serving multipule life sentances for murder. I understand that this has nothing to do with the cruelty he dealt those animals, but knowing that he is being punished--period--is something. I have to dwell on that, that he will die-- sick, old, afraid and alone, in prison. It enrages me that animal cruelty is thrown by the wayside in the eyes of the law. However, when I think about doing something to help, I realize that in order to do that, I have to be exposed to pictures and stories of animal abuse and torture, and know that I cannot spend my days sobbing and vomiting.

So we have decided to save money, and donate it. ASPCA, here we come. That is something I can do, without having to throw up on a regular basis, right?

Fuck, I couldnt even work at a veterinary clinic. I sobbed every day when animals came in that were sick or hurt, and they all had good homes. the kittens from the humane society, tho, that ruined me.

On a totally different note, go rent "the lady in the water". i had broken up with M. Night Shaymalan (however you spell that) after "the village"--and watched this one against my will and actually really enjoyed it. so I guess he's back in.....for now.

Insert Appropriate Schreeching and Pointing Here

HOORAY/NOOOOO!/HOORAY/NOOOOO! (Look at the banner up top, dude.)

We totally reserved our copies of it as soon as we saw the sign, baby.

I am so fucking excited its almost embarrassing. Also, Im kinda scared, as this is the end. I dont want that.

But oh, do I want it.

Sassy Pants

I really have nothing to say that is good, really. Lots of bad things happening here, lots of family emergencies and sudden need for travel across multiple states and time zones. The car tried to set itself on fire while we were on our way to a funeral.

Theres a story for you--ask me sometime and I will tell you about it.

Im sleepy. But i dont want to ignore the blog anymore. So there.

Scrabessed

Is the best way to describe the feeling Im having at the moment. Sad+Crabby+Depressed.

Its what we do.

There are multiple factors contributing to this, Im sure. However, Im not going to make mention of any of them. So there.

Not smoking is going really well. I havent smoked, nor wanted to, really, since the Trainspotting-esque withdrawls of a few days ago. Thats helpful.

Went and got pedicures today, and I am now officially hooked. I want manicures and pedicures every week, thanks.

As much as it was the stereotypical Vietnamese woman who couldn't really speak english, and her (Im assuming?) daughters, it was nice. Relaxing. Except for where they file your feet. They didnt shave my feet (They shave callouses off with what looks like one of those.....Oh, what are they called.....Planers, almost. Those things they use to get perfect curls of cheese or chocolate, the big single blade thing. whatever.) Its a little horrifying. Reasons to not get callouses, I guess. Anyway, they pour this "softener" (its a chemical that makes dead skin get really, well, soft) on this fake pumice stone and just file the skin off your feet. I about ate my hand trying to not kick the nice Vietnamese woman in the face. Anyway, then they rub you and paint your toes and on and on, its lovely.

I think everyone should get one immediatly, if not sooner. Thanks.

Anyway, other than that....Nothing is new. No smoking, Im working out, and my feets is pretty. That about covers it. Back to work in the Morning, so I guess Im off.

Stuff it

Since I have not been smoking, my respitory system is going berzerk. People keep telling me that it is my body kicking all the bad shit that the cigarettes were putting in there out, but I think that it is my lungs and sinuses way of telling me that they miss the nicotine as much as the rest of me does.

Actually, Im doing really well today. I had heroin-esque withdrawls last night, seriously. Chills, nausea, dizzyness, the works. I thought I was getting the flu until people started telling me that they went through the same thing when they hit the 3 day marker. I havent really wanted to smoke all that bad all day. Well, I have wanted to, but nothing I couldnt power-clean my way out of. (thats right. I purged the kitchen of all unwanted detritus in about an hour today to distract myself from wanting to smoke.)

But I can only breathe out of one side of my nose. Its getting a little old. I am also smelling and tasting more things, which is interesting. Some smells are hurting me, which I wasn't expecting. Febreze stings my nose, and laundry detergent makes my eyes water. I like the smells, they are just.....SO POWERFUL. Food is new and exciting, as well.

I am taking a friend of mine out to lunch and pedicures tomorrow for her birthday, so we will see how that goes, as we are having curry (oh, how I love it) and I have never had a pedicure before. So my nose may burn and my feet may tickle, but so long as my friend is happy, thats what matters, right?

Well, Im having a nicotine fit at the moment, so I am going to go eat something I shouldnt. And try to sleep.

Later. All one of you that reads this. You know who you are. Sure, youre a blend of 2 people, but sharing is caring.

Time Wasters

After all the fun i had with the US census thing telling me that I dont exsist, I have been playing around with name generators and so on. Its interesting. The best site I have found for it so far is Russian, if you can believe that--Its an old link that my dad's gf sent me that I ignored. Anyway, you can go here , and despite all the Russian crazyness, type in your name and it will tell you your name in Russian and all sorts of other languages and alphabets, and there are other links to places like "Your Pimp Name", (LaShawn Bogyloge), your "Oz name" (Jellybean), and a bunch of other lovelies.

Anyway, if you have time to waste, try it out.