Ruined

There are things in this world, that if I am exposed to, ruin me. For days. Things like animal cruelty. i have spoken of this briefly elsewhere, but I dont know that anyone truly understands. Hell, I dont understand it, I know that I love animals, but I really dont know where this total physical and emotional intolerance of it stems from.

There is an ASPCA commerical that I saw, and sobbed openly. Then I vomited. Hours later, I recounted this story to Thomas, and there was more sobbing. Its a commericial.

Just recently, I was half watching a program about a serial killer, and he began to talk about how he started his sociopathic behavior. The things he had done to animals, cats. Dogs. I had to change the channel, but wasn't fast enough. 2 things made it out in sound and in picture before I could change the channel, and this is going to haunt me for hours, if not days. I will have nightmares about it.

I have always loved animals and despised, with the whole of my being, the abuse of animals in any form. But lately it has intensified. Im not sure why or how, or if this is a good thing or not.

The only thing that is giving me any solace about the serial killer is that he is serving multipule life sentances for murder. I understand that this has nothing to do with the cruelty he dealt those animals, but knowing that he is being punished--period--is something. I have to dwell on that, that he will die-- sick, old, afraid and alone, in prison. It enrages me that animal cruelty is thrown by the wayside in the eyes of the law. However, when I think about doing something to help, I realize that in order to do that, I have to be exposed to pictures and stories of animal abuse and torture, and know that I cannot spend my days sobbing and vomiting.

So we have decided to save money, and donate it. ASPCA, here we come. That is something I can do, without having to throw up on a regular basis, right?

Fuck, I couldnt even work at a veterinary clinic. I sobbed every day when animals came in that were sick or hurt, and they all had good homes. the kittens from the humane society, tho, that ruined me.

On a totally different note, go rent "the lady in the water". i had broken up with M. Night Shaymalan (however you spell that) after "the village"--and watched this one against my will and actually really enjoyed it. so I guess he's back in.....for now.