We didn't have internet for days and days, and then Thanksgiving happened, and with that came a rash of plumbing problems (I have photos of two of them! How thrilling my life is!) and company came....
You know how it goes.
But all is well, Thanksgiving rocked (I know! My sister came! Such margin for horror and terror!) and things are slowly and surely getting back to normal.
I promise, promise, promise to be back on my game here shortly.
Thanks for still checking in, though, kiddies.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
When In Doubt
Steal shit from Brian. It's what we do, after all.
TMI Tuesdays:
1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
Uhm...A few days ago. T was sleeping and I was trying to not walk face first into the bathroom door frame.
2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Not. I hate to be naked. (But T seems to be ok with it, and that kinda rubs off on me a little.)
3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
A while.
4. Have you ever had sex in a car?
And my back has never forgiven me for it.
If yes, since you were a teenager? I couldn't walk properly for three days, my back was so messed up.
5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
More often than I like to admit. At least with food, I really don't drink that much.
Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited – Vacation
b) make you squirm – Dentist
c) make you laugh – For-EV-ERR. Inside joke.
Not TMI thingie.
10 YEARS AGO I...
1. Had been living in a new state for one week.
2. Hated T with a white hot passion
3. Had a 26 inch waist
4. Experienced wind chill for the first time
5. Went from one of the smallest High Schools in this state to the biggest one in the new state. I was not. Happy.
5 THINGS ON TODAY'S TO-DO LIST
1. Clean the rest of the carpets
2. Talk seriously about painting the inside of the house
3. Cook something worth eating
4. Finish the laundry
5. Not stay up until three am.
5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A MILLIONAIRE
1. Not freak out about money as often
2. Fix the house
3. Get T a new car and get a truck for us to share
4. Get medicine to make myself able to fly without exploding
5. Travel.
5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. College dorms
2. My dad's condo
3. This house
4. The trailer
5. The house with no railings on the stairs
5 JOBS I'VE HAD
1. Gas station cashier (three times, I've had and hated that job)
2. Library page
3. Assistant pastry chef
4. Server/bartender
5. business manager
I'll tag :
Everyone I know. Do it.
(And Brian, as a token of my thanks for 'letting' me steal these from you, I can send off my world famous family secret recipe for leg of lamb if you're interested. But smoking it sounds pretty dang interesting too. Mine involves coffee, and real macaroni and cheese.)
TMI Tuesdays:
1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?
Uhm...A few days ago. T was sleeping and I was trying to not walk face first into the bathroom door frame.
2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Not. I hate to be naked. (But T seems to be ok with it, and that kinda rubs off on me a little.)
3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?
A while.
4. Have you ever had sex in a car?
And my back has never forgiven me for it.
If yes, since you were a teenager? I couldn't walk properly for three days, my back was so messed up.
5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?
More often than I like to admit. At least with food, I really don't drink that much.
Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited – Vacation
b) make you squirm – Dentist
c) make you laugh – For-EV-ERR. Inside joke.
Not TMI thingie.
10 YEARS AGO I...
1. Had been living in a new state for one week.
2. Hated T with a white hot passion
3. Had a 26 inch waist
4. Experienced wind chill for the first time
5. Went from one of the smallest High Schools in this state to the biggest one in the new state. I was not. Happy.
5 THINGS ON TODAY'S TO-DO LIST
1. Clean the rest of the carpets
2. Talk seriously about painting the inside of the house
3. Cook something worth eating
4. Finish the laundry
5. Not stay up until three am.
5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A MILLIONAIRE
1. Not freak out about money as often
2. Fix the house
3. Get T a new car and get a truck for us to share
4. Get medicine to make myself able to fly without exploding
5. Travel.
5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. College dorms
2. My dad's condo
3. This house
4. The trailer
5. The house with no railings on the stairs
5 JOBS I'VE HAD
1. Gas station cashier (three times, I've had and hated that job)
2. Library page
3. Assistant pastry chef
4. Server/bartender
5. business manager
I'll tag :
Everyone I know. Do it.
(And Brian, as a token of my thanks for 'letting' me steal these from you, I can send off my world famous family secret recipe for leg of lamb if you're interested. But smoking it sounds pretty dang interesting too. Mine involves coffee, and real macaroni and cheese.)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Optimus Prime David
So new roomie and I have spent the entire day making up insane names for my future children.
T has a reasonably normal last name, phonetically spelled (which thrills me to no end, as I have the opposite of that) and common enough to not be mangled, yet not so common as to fall into the "Smith" category. It works well with what we have come up with.
Mainly, and what those of you who don't know the shenanigans that are involved with my sense of humor and those around me, is that the more absurd the topic, the better.
For instance, and in a totally different vein, but too hilarious to leave untouched, Roomie A and I were discussing how some people are far, far louder during 'marital relations' than is necessary. (Screamers and the like.) We were talking about a friend of ours, who, after meeting his now fiancee but then girlfriend would spend DAYS (Literally. Days. Stopping only for potty and food breaks. We wonder how they stayed hydrated enough) in coitus. (I suppose there are worse ways to waste a weekend, but...) Anyway, this friend of ours was living with A at the time, and his girlfriend was a SCREAMER. Like, no one on the block slept the entire time she was there because she was screaming herself hoarse while screwing our friend. A could not sleep during her visits for all the shrill howling that emanated from our friends room.
We were talking, then, about how some people are like that in the bedroom and others are not. How you are able to convey the necessary information without such things as a bullhorn, a PA system, or screaming at the top of your lungs.
A then said to me, "I know! It's just sex! I'm not MC-ing a Monster truck rally!" And I proceeded to laugh for about three days over this. (Mostly I inserted such gems as "SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!" and "WELCOME, MONSTER TRUCK FANS!" into sexual congress. I don't care who you are, that's funny.)
Anyway, on to the baby names.
I mentioned to A that T and I have named our non-existent children, because we're "cool" and I believe in over-preparedness. Rather than ask what the names were, A volunteered one. "Optimus Prime David", for our first born son, of course. T then had to get in on the action, and here is what the three of us have come up with:
-Optimus Prime David
-Forklift Winnebago
-Dump truck Kama Sutra
-Flytrap Cthulu
-Athletes Foot Donatello
-Exclamation Point Borat
-Snorkel Chop Stick (a current favorite)
-Porcupine Ferris Wheel
-Toboggan Steam Shovel
-Scapula Brake Pad
-Xenophobia Clandestine
And then I realized that these were deteriorating quickly into bad '70s band names (Vanilla Fudge, anyone?) and not as functional as names for our children.
And then we started with business names, things like, oh, "Mentholated Speed bump Computers" and the like.
I think we all need hobbies. But at least we are laughing our asses off.
See you all tomorrow, on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY, where OPTIMUS PRIME DAVID will take on the FLAME THROWING CAR EATING DINOSAUR ROBOT!! ONE DAY ONLY!!
T has a reasonably normal last name, phonetically spelled (which thrills me to no end, as I have the opposite of that) and common enough to not be mangled, yet not so common as to fall into the "Smith" category. It works well with what we have come up with.
Mainly, and what those of you who don't know the shenanigans that are involved with my sense of humor and those around me, is that the more absurd the topic, the better.
For instance, and in a totally different vein, but too hilarious to leave untouched, Roomie A and I were discussing how some people are far, far louder during 'marital relations' than is necessary. (Screamers and the like.) We were talking about a friend of ours, who, after meeting his now fiancee but then girlfriend would spend DAYS (Literally. Days. Stopping only for potty and food breaks. We wonder how they stayed hydrated enough) in coitus. (I suppose there are worse ways to waste a weekend, but...) Anyway, this friend of ours was living with A at the time, and his girlfriend was a SCREAMER. Like, no one on the block slept the entire time she was there because she was screaming herself hoarse while screwing our friend. A could not sleep during her visits for all the shrill howling that emanated from our friends room.
We were talking, then, about how some people are like that in the bedroom and others are not. How you are able to convey the necessary information without such things as a bullhorn, a PA system, or screaming at the top of your lungs.
A then said to me, "I know! It's just sex! I'm not MC-ing a Monster truck rally!" And I proceeded to laugh for about three days over this. (Mostly I inserted such gems as "SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!" and "WELCOME, MONSTER TRUCK FANS!" into sexual congress. I don't care who you are, that's funny.)
Anyway, on to the baby names.
I mentioned to A that T and I have named our non-existent children, because we're "cool" and I believe in over-preparedness. Rather than ask what the names were, A volunteered one. "Optimus Prime David", for our first born son, of course. T then had to get in on the action, and here is what the three of us have come up with:
-Optimus Prime David
-Forklift Winnebago
-Dump truck Kama Sutra
-Flytrap Cthulu
-Athletes Foot Donatello
-Exclamation Point Borat
-Snorkel Chop Stick (a current favorite)
-Porcupine Ferris Wheel
-Toboggan Steam Shovel
-Scapula Brake Pad
-Xenophobia Clandestine
And then I realized that these were deteriorating quickly into bad '70s band names (Vanilla Fudge, anyone?) and not as functional as names for our children.
And then we started with business names, things like, oh, "Mentholated Speed bump Computers" and the like.
I think we all need hobbies. But at least we are laughing our asses off.
See you all tomorrow, on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY, where OPTIMUS PRIME DAVID will take on the FLAME THROWING CAR EATING DINOSAUR ROBOT!! ONE DAY ONLY!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Done like dinner
There are few things in my life that are guaranteed to piss me the fuck off quicker than being lied to, deceived in any way, or manipulated.
Or at least being made to feel like any of those are happening.
And it's happening right now.
Maybe I had the wrong impression as to what was going on, at least in this particular instance. It happens from time to time, you know. No one being perfect and all that crap.
But seriously? I just wish the planet would grow a set of balls and act it's age. I'm really, really tired of life being more complicated than it needs to be, and yes, I have contributed to that happening as well.
However. We are adults now, and should act accordingly. Mayhap people delude themselves into telling others the 'truth' as they wish it were, rather than the actual truth. Mayhap people are trying to spare the feelings of those close to them, I am more than guilty of doing that from time to time.
But if someone is truly important to you, you tell them the truth, in all things, no matter what may happen. T and I have told each other the truth about things that could have, and should have, shattered our relationship were it any less strong than it is. We have weathered some serious storms together, seen some of the worst that life can bring, but we did it together. If we had hidden any of our feelings about some of those things, had hidden actions we had taken part in that weren't our best, sure, our relationship wouldn't have been impacted....Immediately.
But I refuse to take part in a relationship that is founded on lies and deception. I am not blogging to extol the virtues of T's and my relationship--this blog doesn't even really have anything to do with T, I'm merely using it as an example.
Mostly I'm just tired. I had a shitty day today, as sleeping too late usually warrants. I have no patience today which is making me extra unforgiving. I cut the crap out of my finger a few days ago with the serrated edge on the saran wrap box, and, being unable to function fully with a bandaid on, superglued it closed. This worked until this evening when I took a shower, thereby loosening the glue, which enabled me to tear the entire wound open again by getting the edge of the glue caught on the towel I was using. 'Pain' doesn't really describe what that felt like.
I am a mere 7 thousand words behind in NaNo, and at midnight that will rocket up to nearly 9 thousand words behind. I am holding out little hope of completing this task in a timely fashion. And I'm ok with that.
The job front is bleak.
My sisters, as I have said again and again ad nauseum, are terrible people. This doesn't change, yet for some reason I am always surprised by this.
My mother had a small nervous breakdown over NOTHING, and in response she disappeared for three days. This is the sort of behavior that were I to take part in, she would drive out here and beat my ass, but when she does it, it is 'Saintly'. Also, since she has returned, she has taken to drinking heavily all freakin' day, which I just adore. I know that my not calling her DAILY is factoring into this, as well as the fact that a holiday is looming. She cannot fathom my desire to have a holiday wherein there was no drunken hysteria, no fighting, no name calling or screaming or crying. Can't remember ever having had one of those.
I really wish that T and I could just take off for his days off this week. I wish that we had unlimited money in the bank and could go somewhere relaxing where someone will do all the cooking and cleaning, pay all the bills, and massage us as often as we liked.
Whatever. I mean, really. You just slog through life and try your best to make things the best they can be.
But I'm just tired. I'm tired of stressing about my wedding, the planning for which has stymied, I'm tired of worrying about Thanksgiving and what a pain in the ass that is going to be, I'm tired of paying bills and writing and blogging and talking and eating and sleeping bad hours. I am tired.
So I am going to bed. No fun, funny or uplifting shit here today, kids. Sorry.
Or at least being made to feel like any of those are happening.
And it's happening right now.
Maybe I had the wrong impression as to what was going on, at least in this particular instance. It happens from time to time, you know. No one being perfect and all that crap.
But seriously? I just wish the planet would grow a set of balls and act it's age. I'm really, really tired of life being more complicated than it needs to be, and yes, I have contributed to that happening as well.
However. We are adults now, and should act accordingly. Mayhap people delude themselves into telling others the 'truth' as they wish it were, rather than the actual truth. Mayhap people are trying to spare the feelings of those close to them, I am more than guilty of doing that from time to time.
But if someone is truly important to you, you tell them the truth, in all things, no matter what may happen. T and I have told each other the truth about things that could have, and should have, shattered our relationship were it any less strong than it is. We have weathered some serious storms together, seen some of the worst that life can bring, but we did it together. If we had hidden any of our feelings about some of those things, had hidden actions we had taken part in that weren't our best, sure, our relationship wouldn't have been impacted....Immediately.
But I refuse to take part in a relationship that is founded on lies and deception. I am not blogging to extol the virtues of T's and my relationship--this blog doesn't even really have anything to do with T, I'm merely using it as an example.
Mostly I'm just tired. I had a shitty day today, as sleeping too late usually warrants. I have no patience today which is making me extra unforgiving. I cut the crap out of my finger a few days ago with the serrated edge on the saran wrap box, and, being unable to function fully with a bandaid on, superglued it closed. This worked until this evening when I took a shower, thereby loosening the glue, which enabled me to tear the entire wound open again by getting the edge of the glue caught on the towel I was using. 'Pain' doesn't really describe what that felt like.
I am a mere 7 thousand words behind in NaNo, and at midnight that will rocket up to nearly 9 thousand words behind. I am holding out little hope of completing this task in a timely fashion. And I'm ok with that.
The job front is bleak.
My sisters, as I have said again and again ad nauseum, are terrible people. This doesn't change, yet for some reason I am always surprised by this.
My mother had a small nervous breakdown over NOTHING, and in response she disappeared for three days. This is the sort of behavior that were I to take part in, she would drive out here and beat my ass, but when she does it, it is 'Saintly'. Also, since she has returned, she has taken to drinking heavily all freakin' day, which I just adore. I know that my not calling her DAILY is factoring into this, as well as the fact that a holiday is looming. She cannot fathom my desire to have a holiday wherein there was no drunken hysteria, no fighting, no name calling or screaming or crying. Can't remember ever having had one of those.
I really wish that T and I could just take off for his days off this week. I wish that we had unlimited money in the bank and could go somewhere relaxing where someone will do all the cooking and cleaning, pay all the bills, and massage us as often as we liked.
Whatever. I mean, really. You just slog through life and try your best to make things the best they can be.
But I'm just tired. I'm tired of stressing about my wedding, the planning for which has stymied, I'm tired of worrying about Thanksgiving and what a pain in the ass that is going to be, I'm tired of paying bills and writing and blogging and talking and eating and sleeping bad hours. I am tired.
So I am going to bed. No fun, funny or uplifting shit here today, kids. Sorry.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Gaaaah...
I don't want to do a damn thing these days! I am tempted to blame the boring, dreary weather we are having. (It would seem that I have forgotten what month it is and where I live...) But it is grey and raining, all the damn time. I awoke today to the gutters overflowing QUITE loudly on the deck. It is no lighter outside at noon than at 8am than at 4pm. And then it's night time.
Means that I accidentally sleep weird long hours and/or spend what hours I am conscious eating, cooking and knitting. None of which add to my NaNo count, get my house clean, laundry done, or shopping done.
I am addicted to Feb*reze candles, especially in the "Evergreens and Snow" stink. I am not a 'tree' smell addict my nature, but this makes my house smell less like dirty socks (I am so ready for that fucker to move out) and more like....Christmas.
And I am a woman that don't love Christmas. But it would seem I like the smell.
Means that I accidentally sleep weird long hours and/or spend what hours I am conscious eating, cooking and knitting. None of which add to my NaNo count, get my house clean, laundry done, or shopping done.
I am addicted to Feb*reze candles, especially in the "Evergreens and Snow" stink. I am not a 'tree' smell addict my nature, but this makes my house smell less like dirty socks (I am so ready for that fucker to move out) and more like....Christmas.
And I am a woman that don't love Christmas. But it would seem I like the smell.
Look Away Now
Friends and family.
It's TMI time. (This one really isn't that bad. I don't love the 'all sex, all the time' ones. No ones business, really.)
1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Yes. And my pasty white ass glows in the dark, thanks.
2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
Lots, actually.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
Hrm. I'm about, oh, a 6? Content is not happy is not content. Content is like purgatory, it's not so bad, but it's not so great, but you're ok. Happy is pleased each day to be where you are, thrilled with your blessings.
4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Sleep. Smoke. (I know, I know) Yell at everyone in my house about nothing.
5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
So gross, kids. My first lover? T. He really was the 'one', but I sure as shit didn't know it then. I don't know why, really, we decided to do the do back then. We were at an age where it was 'the thing to do', and well, why not? We loved each other, but it was puppy love and sorta silly. Worked out for us, though. Plus he was (and is) so darn handsome! (It was the love thing. Seriously, that's why we did it.)
Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...) 16. (Now that I know 16 year olds as an adult, that seems WAY TO YOUNG to be having sex. Sigh.)
I'm up to 12,911 words in NaNo. I'm a scant 8 thousand words behind. Sigh.
T's sister is making everyone look bad!! She's up to like, 32,000 words already. Oh well, she is to be commended for her abilities.
And Brian? I got the bruise in my mouth because I treat tooth brushing like a full contact sport from time to time. I am sure that if it came from anything 'else', my mouth being sore would be the least of our problems.
Waiting patiently for the shit to hit the fan with my sisters. There have been some developments. Thanksgiving could be very interesting this year.
It's TMI time. (This one really isn't that bad. I don't love the 'all sex, all the time' ones. No ones business, really.)
1. Ever been skinny dipping?
Yes. And my pasty white ass glows in the dark, thanks.
2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?
Lots, actually.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest) Do you think 'content' and 'happy' the same thing?
Hrm. I'm about, oh, a 6? Content is not happy is not content. Content is like purgatory, it's not so bad, but it's not so great, but you're ok. Happy is pleased each day to be where you are, thrilled with your blessings.
4. What do you do to relieve stress?
Sleep. Smoke. (I know, I know) Yell at everyone in my house about nothing.
5. What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide that they were "the one?"
So gross, kids. My first lover? T. He really was the 'one', but I sure as shit didn't know it then. I don't know why, really, we decided to do the do back then. We were at an age where it was 'the thing to do', and well, why not? We loved each other, but it was puppy love and sorta silly. Worked out for us, though. Plus he was (and is) so darn handsome! (It was the love thing. Seriously, that's why we did it.)
Bonus: How old were you when you first had sex? (positive experiences here...) 16. (Now that I know 16 year olds as an adult, that seems WAY TO YOUNG to be having sex. Sigh.)
I'm up to 12,911 words in NaNo. I'm a scant 8 thousand words behind. Sigh.
T's sister is making everyone look bad!! She's up to like, 32,000 words already. Oh well, she is to be commended for her abilities.
And Brian? I got the bruise in my mouth because I treat tooth brushing like a full contact sport from time to time. I am sure that if it came from anything 'else', my mouth being sore would be the least of our problems.
Waiting patiently for the shit to hit the fan with my sisters. There have been some developments. Thanksgiving could be very interesting this year.
Monday, November 10, 2008
But I Don't Wanna
I am procrastinating in the single worst way possible.
I need to write for NaNo, (Still behind, woefully so) I need to type up my resume...AGAIN, since it would seem that when a certain roomie who is on his way out reformatted the computer he deleted the program under which the majority of my stuff was written, like, oh, MY FUCKING RESUME....I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with the inside of my mouth (I banged it with my toothbrush or something, the roof in the back feels bruised or something. I have managed to convince myself that I have some weird disease, or cancer, or something that will melt my face when I least expect it...
I need to draft an email wherein I remain civil with my siblings regarding my dad's estate.
What have I done instead? Well, when I should have started the above stuff, we watched a movie. (Sunshine. It was crap.) Then we drank coffee and laughed for a while. Then I wandered around My*space. And read. Then I watched T and A play video games. Then I stared at the floor for a while, and knit.
Now I am blogging. (Are we sensing a theme?)
The resume should be at the top of the list, but having it DONE ALREADY and NOT BE ABLE TO GET TO THE DAMN THING NOT EVEN AS A FUCKING REFERENCE has made me sort of discouraged and mad.
So there's that.
Ugh. I hate, hate, hate looking for a job. HATE it. I always feel so freaking inferior and under qualified. Writing down everything I have done in my 26 years on the planet and seeing that it amounts to precisely Jack and Shit as far as prospective employers are concerned.
I need to write for NaNo, (Still behind, woefully so) I need to type up my resume...AGAIN, since it would seem that when a certain roomie who is on his way out reformatted the computer he deleted the program under which the majority of my stuff was written, like, oh, MY FUCKING RESUME....I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with the inside of my mouth (I banged it with my toothbrush or something, the roof in the back feels bruised or something. I have managed to convince myself that I have some weird disease, or cancer, or something that will melt my face when I least expect it...
I need to draft an email wherein I remain civil with my siblings regarding my dad's estate.
What have I done instead? Well, when I should have started the above stuff, we watched a movie. (Sunshine. It was crap.) Then we drank coffee and laughed for a while. Then I wandered around My*space. And read. Then I watched T and A play video games. Then I stared at the floor for a while, and knit.
Now I am blogging. (Are we sensing a theme?)
The resume should be at the top of the list, but having it DONE ALREADY and NOT BE ABLE TO GET TO THE DAMN THING NOT EVEN AS A FUCKING REFERENCE has made me sort of discouraged and mad.
So there's that.
Ugh. I hate, hate, hate looking for a job. HATE it. I always feel so freaking inferior and under qualified. Writing down everything I have done in my 26 years on the planet and seeing that it amounts to precisely Jack and Shit as far as prospective employers are concerned.
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