Done like dinner

There are few things in my life that are guaranteed to piss me the fuck off quicker than being lied to, deceived in any way, or manipulated.

Or at least being made to feel like any of those are happening.

And it's happening right now.

Maybe I had the wrong impression as to what was going on, at least in this particular instance. It happens from time to time, you know. No one being perfect and all that crap.

But seriously? I just wish the planet would grow a set of balls and act it's age. I'm really, really tired of life being more complicated than it needs to be, and yes, I have contributed to that happening as well.

However. We are adults now, and should act accordingly. Mayhap people delude themselves into telling others the 'truth' as they wish it were, rather than the actual truth. Mayhap people are trying to spare the feelings of those close to them, I am more than guilty of doing that from time to time.

But if someone is truly important to you, you tell them the truth, in all things, no matter what may happen. T and I have told each other the truth about things that could have, and should have, shattered our relationship were it any less strong than it is. We have weathered some serious storms together, seen some of the worst that life can bring, but we did it together. If we had hidden any of our feelings about some of those things, had hidden actions we had taken part in that weren't our best, sure, our relationship wouldn't have been impacted....Immediately.

But I refuse to take part in a relationship that is founded on lies and deception. I am not blogging to extol the virtues of T's and my relationship--this blog doesn't even really have anything to do with T, I'm merely using it as an example.

Mostly I'm just tired. I had a shitty day today, as sleeping too late usually warrants. I have no patience today which is making me extra unforgiving. I cut the crap out of my finger a few days ago with the serrated edge on the saran wrap box, and, being unable to function fully with a bandaid on, superglued it closed. This worked until this evening when I took a shower, thereby loosening the glue, which enabled me to tear the entire wound open again by getting the edge of the glue caught on the towel I was using. 'Pain' doesn't really describe what that felt like.

I am a mere 7 thousand words behind in NaNo, and at midnight that will rocket up to nearly 9 thousand words behind. I am holding out little hope of completing this task in a timely fashion. And I'm ok with that.

The job front is bleak.

My sisters, as I have said again and again ad nauseum, are terrible people. This doesn't change, yet for some reason I am always surprised by this.

My mother had a small nervous breakdown over NOTHING, and in response she disappeared for three days. This is the sort of behavior that were I to take part in, she would drive out here and beat my ass, but when she does it, it is 'Saintly'. Also, since she has returned, she has taken to drinking heavily all freakin' day, which I just adore. I know that my not calling her DAILY is factoring into this, as well as the fact that a holiday is looming. She cannot fathom my desire to have a holiday wherein there was no drunken hysteria, no fighting, no name calling or screaming or crying. Can't remember ever having had one of those.

I really wish that T and I could just take off for his days off this week. I wish that we had unlimited money in the bank and could go somewhere relaxing where someone will do all the cooking and cleaning, pay all the bills, and massage us as often as we liked.

Whatever. I mean, really. You just slog through life and try your best to make things the best they can be.

But I'm just tired. I'm tired of stressing about my wedding, the planning for which has stymied, I'm tired of worrying about Thanksgiving and what a pain in the ass that is going to be, I'm tired of paying bills and writing and blogging and talking and eating and sleeping bad hours. I am tired.

So I am going to bed. No fun, funny or uplifting shit here today, kids. Sorry.