Optimus Prime David

So new roomie and I have spent the entire day making up insane names for my future children.

T has a reasonably normal last name, phonetically spelled (which thrills me to no end, as I have the opposite of that) and common enough to not be mangled, yet not so common as to fall into the "Smith" category. It works well with what we have come up with.

Mainly, and what those of you who don't know the shenanigans that are involved with my sense of humor and those around me, is that the more absurd the topic, the better.

For instance, and in a totally different vein, but too hilarious to leave untouched, Roomie A and I were discussing how some people are far, far louder during 'marital relations' than is necessary. (Screamers and the like.) We were talking about a friend of ours, who, after meeting his now fiancee but then girlfriend would spend DAYS (Literally. Days. Stopping only for potty and food breaks. We wonder how they stayed hydrated enough) in coitus. (I suppose there are worse ways to waste a weekend, but...) Anyway, this friend of ours was living with A at the time, and his girlfriend was a SCREAMER. Like, no one on the block slept the entire time she was there because she was screaming herself hoarse while screwing our friend. A could not sleep during her visits for all the shrill howling that emanated from our friends room.

We were talking, then, about how some people are like that in the bedroom and others are not. How you are able to convey the necessary information without such things as a bullhorn, a PA system, or screaming at the top of your lungs.

A then said to me, "I know! It's just sex! I'm not MC-ing a Monster truck rally!" And I proceeded to laugh for about three days over this. (Mostly I inserted such gems as "SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!" and "WELCOME, MONSTER TRUCK FANS!" into sexual congress. I don't care who you are, that's funny.)

Anyway, on to the baby names.

I mentioned to A that T and I have named our non-existent children, because we're "cool" and I believe in over-preparedness. Rather than ask what the names were, A volunteered one. "Optimus Prime David", for our first born son, of course. T then had to get in on the action, and here is what the three of us have come up with:

-Optimus Prime David
-Forklift Winnebago
-Dump truck Kama Sutra
-Flytrap Cthulu
-Athletes Foot Donatello
-Exclamation Point Borat
-Snorkel Chop Stick (a current favorite)
-Porcupine Ferris Wheel
-Toboggan Steam Shovel
-Scapula Brake Pad
-Xenophobia Clandestine

And then I realized that these were deteriorating quickly into bad '70s band names (Vanilla Fudge, anyone?) and not as functional as names for our children.

And then we started with business names, things like, oh, "Mentholated Speed bump Computers" and the like.

I think we all need hobbies. But at least we are laughing our asses off.

See you all tomorrow, on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY, where OPTIMUS PRIME DAVID will take on the FLAME THROWING CAR EATING DINOSAUR ROBOT!! ONE DAY ONLY!!