I have lovely things to post, actually.
But first....
I am deeply troubled by a few things going on in my life. (duh.) I really do need to learn to let things go--not dwell on them, or allow them to affect me as much as I do. Several things.
None of the people that are involved with this read this blog, or even know it exsists. Its work bullshit, basically. I just often wonder why someone would lie to my face--Lie when the truth would serve them better, lie when they know (Im assuming) that I know the truth and that they will be/are caught in this lie. Why? Are they embarrassed? Afraid to admit that perhaps their lives are not as picture perfect as they would like to pretend? I dont like being drug into shit like that. I hate being drug into drama that really has nothing to do with me--Even if I am close with the people who are inspiring the drama. But when that drama fucks with the livlihood of people I care about....Do you call them on the lie? Do you tell the person that is being lied about? Or wait, and see if that lie comes to fruition--if the perpetrator of the lie takes it to the next level to cover their own ass?
I dont know. Being put in a situation where I am made to feel guilty, and then lied to/about and used for information to cover the asses of people....well, I dont like it.
No one that reads this (both of you, haha) knows what the hell I am talking about. And thats alright. I just need to get this out, I guess. I just wish the world could be honest with one another. Thats really all I ask of those around me--Be honest with me. Really. Is it that hard? Am I asking too much?
I will not blame myself for this. It has nothing to do with me.
I can type much faster than I thought I could. Thats something.
I made lots of money this week. I also worked a hell of a lot more than i normally do--but we were busy as well. Heres a story for you.
There are concerts going on in this neck of the woods all weekend, which causes us to be slammed. People want to eat before they go--and you better know it. Sigh. Anyway, this woman calls, who always wants the same goddamn table (as if it belongs to her--I think I may have mentioned her before--Its rather annoying) but when she called, not only did she want that table, she wanted a specific server. This is normally not a problem. However, the server she wanted was not in that day. Fine. I inform her that the table she wants is in my section, and that I will therefore be her server this evening, unless she would like to be moved to another table.
Insert long pause here. The kind of long pause that can mean only one thing. Upperclass retiree not getting exactly what they want when they want it.
'But...I want that table," she tells me.
'That's fine, ma'am. Then I will be your server this evening. See you at six!'
The time rolls around. They arrive. They are seated. They are an elderly couple (duh!), the husband is of the sort that is totally deaf and can hear only the sound of his wife's voice. I introduce myself.
'Are you the girl I spoke with on the phone?', she asks.
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Oh.'
I took this as a sign. I then informed her that she could have another server if she so chose, and she declined. Her husband missed all of this.
'That other girl!What about her! She's down there! Go get her!', he announces.
'WILLIAM! This girl will be just fine....' I hear this as Im walking away.
I soon learned why they like the specific servers that they do.
They are strange.
They brought their own beverages. Normally, this is not allowed. But these beverages were....Water. No straw, no ice, just a glass, please. I asked no questions.
Apparently (as these people need to explain themselves) All water in the US is being treated with either the growth hormone they use for cattle, or a chemical pesticide that (get this!) warps your DNA and can cause cancer, blindness, kidney failure or homosexuality.
'Beg pardon?', I asked when I heard this.
'Oh, yes! My dear girl! You absolutly mustn't drink any water that doesn't come out of a bottle! The government of foreign nations is poisioning us from within--our water resources are slowly destroying us! If you drink it, you can go blind! But before that happens, you will give bith to children with horrible disfiguring defects.....Or are...Homosexuals.'
She's wearing dark glasses. Her lipstick is on her teeth and smeared. Her blouse is buttoned incorrectly. I wonder how much water she drank when she was a child.
'Well, I certainly appreciate the heads up, ma'am.'. I walk back to the wait station, mouth slightly agape. We're too busy to mention this to my coworkers.
They were very nice, other than that. Tipped well, too.
Odd.
I spend the day alternatly baking and feeling like crap. I dont know what's wrong with me, but LORD do I feel shitty all the time. I can't seem to get enough rest. E thinks its my bed, but who the hell knows. Working 12 hour days and running my ass off the whole time may have something to do with it.
F, all this baking is for your thingie tomorrow. I really, really, really hope you like it--If you don't, Im going to freak out. Not anger freak out, but sobbing silently in the car freak out. I'm not sure if thats better. I havent ever made any of the recipes before, and I had to get new pans and things for it. I really really hope you like it! (If nothing else, you will know just how much I love you, yes?)
Anyway, Im off to bed.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Talents.....Sorta
I firmly believe that everyone has gifts. Not of the Christmas persuasion, but actual talents--Drawing, knitting, music, cooking, witty reparte, self delusion,the ability to cram both feet into your mouth without incurring strech marks--You know, talents. Whether or not you use these talents, and if you do use them, whether you use your powers for good or evil is up to you. (big fan of manevolent knitting, here, btw.)
My talents, were I to name them, in no particular order are:
Bullshitting (both the act of talking and of being able to convince people I know what the hell I am talking about when in fact I couldn't have less of a clue, very helpful in college)
Finding small problems with strangers' faces (very useful for making up mean names for people after they are rude to you, a talent garnered by years of public service jobs--For instance--'Weasel face', 'frantic eyebrows', 'she sweater')
Pretending things don't bother me (also known as "Ignore the problem and it will go away" or "Becoming a ball of walking stress", see also "Bottling emotions until you explode like a shaken bottle of cheap champagne in a rap video from the mid nineties")
Being wildly anal retentive about random shit that means nothing to anyone but me (i.e. how the bed is made up, in what order I do things in the shower, how the laundry is folded (and in what order things are washed), how my socks feel)
Being a doormat (see also "pretending things don't bother me" and "ignore the problem and it will go away", can be found under "cannot say no" and "will do anything to feel like people like her")
I have too much spare time. No? I know I have other talents, like cooking, and making innappropriate choices in pants and so on, but those ones arent as funny. Right?
My talents, were I to name them, in no particular order are:
Bullshitting (both the act of talking and of being able to convince people I know what the hell I am talking about when in fact I couldn't have less of a clue, very helpful in college)
Finding small problems with strangers' faces (very useful for making up mean names for people after they are rude to you, a talent garnered by years of public service jobs--For instance--'Weasel face', 'frantic eyebrows', 'she sweater')
Pretending things don't bother me (also known as "Ignore the problem and it will go away" or "Becoming a ball of walking stress", see also "Bottling emotions until you explode like a shaken bottle of cheap champagne in a rap video from the mid nineties")
Being wildly anal retentive about random shit that means nothing to anyone but me (i.e. how the bed is made up, in what order I do things in the shower, how the laundry is folded (and in what order things are washed), how my socks feel)
Being a doormat (see also "pretending things don't bother me" and "ignore the problem and it will go away", can be found under "cannot say no" and "will do anything to feel like people like her")
I have too much spare time. No? I know I have other talents, like cooking, and making innappropriate choices in pants and so on, but those ones arent as funny. Right?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Interesting moments in time
I am learning things about myself daily. Even if these things dont immediatly seem to be something that would cause me to learn anything, through turns of chance, they suddenly impact my life in ways I neither expect nor plan for.
For instance.
I have been making a marked attempt to comsume more fiber in my diet. Its good for you, "makes your insides beautiful" (at least, thats what metimucil tells me via the TV), helps you lose weight and can maintain a healthy heart. Ok, Im game. Fiber it is. Kashi whole grain hot cereal for breakfast, check. Sprouted whole grain flax bread at lunch, check. Spinach, broccoli, raw or lightly steamed vegetables at dinner, check.
Im losing weight, my skin is better. Good things.
What they dont tell you, however, is that in the process of "making your insides beautiful", well, all the stuff that was clogging you up and making you NOT beautiful, it doesnt just dissappear. No, the nondairy creamer, diet soda, oreo cookies and cheeseburgers, they dont become fairy dust. The fiber gets in there, and like a wire brush to a barbecue screen, scrubs and scrapes. And instead of black dust, you get....A new hobby.
All I can say is--should you decide to add more fiber to your diet (which is really a good thing), make sure you have a good book and are allowed breaks at your job. Just saying.
TMI, I know.
I have also learned that patience truly is a virtue, and I am the least virtuous person I know. I am addicted to shopping online, as I dont have to leave the house and can sit in my stinky pjs with my Ipod jamming away and have thoughtful gifts purchased and zipping towards me at any given moment--but it takes time. It takes more time than I want it to. I ordered some of this earlier this week, and its not here yet. Things I ordered with it are here! But I ordered them for other people! I want this one NOW! NOW! sigh.
Also--A note on better planning. (F, youre going to laugh at this one, as its about you!) When you decide to send letters to friends and family of your best friend about her wedding and all things therein, and include on said letter your phone number, with instructions to "call if you have questions or concerns"--its good to have thought enough to the future to be able to answer any questions or concerns these very kind, loving and good humored people may pose. I truly enjoy talking to these people, and look forward to meeting them, but so far I have made my self out to be rather dim, I think. (I should have said "feel free to call and listen to me say "I have no idea." and then stammer for 5 minutes to think of a decent answer but just make myself look like an assclown in the meantime.{I suppose Im giving them a taste of what they are in for at the actual wedding and meet me in the flesh, no?}) I can't ask F to answer these questions for me, as that would spoil the whole damn thing. Perhaps I will leave the book out next time I have a fiber attack--then everyone is happy.
Also--
This planet is smaller than you think it is. This must be true, as I was at work (in a rather small town) and met some people who not only are from Bigsky, but work with some people in TinyCrackHole, (TCH) where I used to live. You can run, but you can't hide. And, true to TCH fame, I gave these people SUPERIOR service--I booked them a hotel room at a lower rate than they should have paid, allowed them to call long distance (no small feat where I work), refilled drink after drink, allowed substitutions and so on, they sat there for 4 hours....and....I was so sure it was going to be a big tip, really--it was a $100 ticket--I knew it, I could just feel it, they gushed and gushed and were so kind, we know the same people!
They tipped $10. I got the dreaded VERBAL TIP! I wanted to chase after them and scream "YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!" while waving the two five dollar bills like a lost coat or wayward mitten.
Shit like that--makes me wonder what the hell the point is. Why be nice to people?
Oh well.
Pastry is my dream. I fucking love it. Its the best thing thats happened to me since my move here or the reconnection with T. J (the woman under whom I am learning) is the bestest. Not even a word for my adoration for her. (apparently, a lot of people dont like her. I dont care-- I love her and we are similar in that aspect, then. Allow us our clique at the back of the kitchen!)
Very excited about it. I volunteered to work 14 hours in a day so i could spend time in the kitchen this week. I even did things alone! (granted, I demanded that J hold my hand, but you get the idea) Creme Anglaise and ganache. (I have done these at home before, but not in GALLONS.) D, our-soon-to-be-departed boss, came in and warned J of my AR tendancies (I can be something of a fretting perfectionist when it comes to my job/cooking, anyone who has seen me do either knows this--so pastry as a job is about one step down from compulsive hand washing for me), and, what do you know, we move on to brioche and I am spending 5 minutes per loaf, attempting to make it perfectly symmetrical and have invisible seams....J laughed, laughed, laughed and then made me chant 'Stop worrying. There are no bread police. Stop worrying. Breathe.' Folled closely by ".....M. M. Are you hyperventilating?".
I didnt stop worrying, but allowed her to put the asymmetrical-visibly-seamed loaves up to proof.
I havent spoken to my mom in two weeks.
I am unsure as to how I feel about this. Still.
For instance.
I have been making a marked attempt to comsume more fiber in my diet. Its good for you, "makes your insides beautiful" (at least, thats what metimucil tells me via the TV), helps you lose weight and can maintain a healthy heart. Ok, Im game. Fiber it is. Kashi whole grain hot cereal for breakfast, check. Sprouted whole grain flax bread at lunch, check. Spinach, broccoli, raw or lightly steamed vegetables at dinner, check.
Im losing weight, my skin is better. Good things.
What they dont tell you, however, is that in the process of "making your insides beautiful", well, all the stuff that was clogging you up and making you NOT beautiful, it doesnt just dissappear. No, the nondairy creamer, diet soda, oreo cookies and cheeseburgers, they dont become fairy dust. The fiber gets in there, and like a wire brush to a barbecue screen, scrubs and scrapes. And instead of black dust, you get....A new hobby.
All I can say is--should you decide to add more fiber to your diet (which is really a good thing), make sure you have a good book and are allowed breaks at your job. Just saying.
TMI, I know.
I have also learned that patience truly is a virtue, and I am the least virtuous person I know. I am addicted to shopping online, as I dont have to leave the house and can sit in my stinky pjs with my Ipod jamming away and have thoughtful gifts purchased and zipping towards me at any given moment--but it takes time. It takes more time than I want it to. I ordered some of this earlier this week, and its not here yet. Things I ordered with it are here! But I ordered them for other people! I want this one NOW! NOW! sigh.
Also--A note on better planning. (F, youre going to laugh at this one, as its about you!) When you decide to send letters to friends and family of your best friend about her wedding and all things therein, and include on said letter your phone number, with instructions to "call if you have questions or concerns"--its good to have thought enough to the future to be able to answer any questions or concerns these very kind, loving and good humored people may pose. I truly enjoy talking to these people, and look forward to meeting them, but so far I have made my self out to be rather dim, I think. (I should have said "feel free to call and listen to me say "I have no idea." and then stammer for 5 minutes to think of a decent answer but just make myself look like an assclown in the meantime.{I suppose Im giving them a taste of what they are in for at the actual wedding and meet me in the flesh, no?}) I can't ask F to answer these questions for me, as that would spoil the whole damn thing. Perhaps I will leave the book out next time I have a fiber attack--then everyone is happy.
Also--
This planet is smaller than you think it is. This must be true, as I was at work (in a rather small town) and met some people who not only are from Bigsky, but work with some people in TinyCrackHole, (TCH) where I used to live. You can run, but you can't hide. And, true to TCH fame, I gave these people SUPERIOR service--I booked them a hotel room at a lower rate than they should have paid, allowed them to call long distance (no small feat where I work), refilled drink after drink, allowed substitutions and so on, they sat there for 4 hours....and....I was so sure it was going to be a big tip, really--it was a $100 ticket--I knew it, I could just feel it, they gushed and gushed and were so kind, we know the same people!
They tipped $10. I got the dreaded VERBAL TIP! I wanted to chase after them and scream "YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!" while waving the two five dollar bills like a lost coat or wayward mitten.
Shit like that--makes me wonder what the hell the point is. Why be nice to people?
Oh well.
Pastry is my dream. I fucking love it. Its the best thing thats happened to me since my move here or the reconnection with T. J (the woman under whom I am learning) is the bestest. Not even a word for my adoration for her. (apparently, a lot of people dont like her. I dont care-- I love her and we are similar in that aspect, then. Allow us our clique at the back of the kitchen!)
Very excited about it. I volunteered to work 14 hours in a day so i could spend time in the kitchen this week. I even did things alone! (granted, I demanded that J hold my hand, but you get the idea) Creme Anglaise and ganache. (I have done these at home before, but not in GALLONS.) D, our-soon-to-be-departed boss, came in and warned J of my AR tendancies (I can be something of a fretting perfectionist when it comes to my job/cooking, anyone who has seen me do either knows this--so pastry as a job is about one step down from compulsive hand washing for me), and, what do you know, we move on to brioche and I am spending 5 minutes per loaf, attempting to make it perfectly symmetrical and have invisible seams....J laughed, laughed, laughed and then made me chant 'Stop worrying. There are no bread police. Stop worrying. Breathe.' Folled closely by ".....M. M. Are you hyperventilating?".
I didnt stop worrying, but allowed her to put the asymmetrical-visibly-seamed loaves up to proof.
I havent spoken to my mom in two weeks.
I am unsure as to how I feel about this. Still.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Are you kidding me?
So....worked today (which I was not supposed to, actually) and it was really busy. Then went to a birthday party for a 4 year old, which was....a birthday party for a 4 year old. Thats, well, reall it.
Had a group photo taken today with all coworkers for the boss who is leaving, and I know for a fact that I am going to look like a complete weirdo in it. Without a doubt.
Im tired. Im tired of having headaches. I really like my new haircut.
Had a group photo taken today with all coworkers for the boss who is leaving, and I know for a fact that I am going to look like a complete weirdo in it. Without a doubt.
Im tired. Im tired of having headaches. I really like my new haircut.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Is anyone really surprised?
You scored as Scientific Atheist. These guys rule. I'm not one of them myself, although I play one online. They know the rules of debate, the Laws of Thermodynamics, and can explain evolution in fifty words or less. More concerned with how things ARE than how they should be, these are the people who will bring us into the future.
What kind of atheist are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
I snarl at your face
You know what drives me fucking insane?
When you are assigned a task, and someone else decides that you are obviously inept and cannot handle this on your own (which is just a cover for the fact that their feelings are hurt because they weren't chosen for this, of course)--so they butt in and, without actually saying that you arent doing a good job (at least not the caliber of job they could/would do) take all the 'fun' parts of it as their responsibility and leave you all the grunt work.
But they're HELPING. Remember.
Thanks. Really.
Have I mentioned before that I love my job? Really. No, really.
i shouldnt get this irritated about stuff. I shouldnt let broken promises, gossip, shit talking, presumptions, and just plain rudeness bother me at all. People that go about life scattering the feelings of those close to them (whether it be work, play, friends or aquaintences) like dust bunnies on a hardwood floor--Well, fuck them.
Its not that simple. Im not typically one to stand up and say 'knock it the fuck off--youre out of line'--so its my fault. I guess.
When you are assigned a task, and someone else decides that you are obviously inept and cannot handle this on your own (which is just a cover for the fact that their feelings are hurt because they weren't chosen for this, of course)--so they butt in and, without actually saying that you arent doing a good job (at least not the caliber of job they could/would do) take all the 'fun' parts of it as their responsibility and leave you all the grunt work.
But they're HELPING. Remember.
Thanks. Really.
Have I mentioned before that I love my job? Really. No, really.
i shouldnt get this irritated about stuff. I shouldnt let broken promises, gossip, shit talking, presumptions, and just plain rudeness bother me at all. People that go about life scattering the feelings of those close to them (whether it be work, play, friends or aquaintences) like dust bunnies on a hardwood floor--Well, fuck them.
Its not that simple. Im not typically one to stand up and say 'knock it the fuck off--youre out of line'--so its my fault. I guess.
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