Talents.....Sorta

I firmly believe that everyone has gifts. Not of the Christmas persuasion, but actual talents--Drawing, knitting, music, cooking, witty reparte, self delusion,the ability to cram both feet into your mouth without incurring strech marks--You know, talents. Whether or not you use these talents, and if you do use them, whether you use your powers for good or evil is up to you. (big fan of manevolent knitting, here, btw.)

My talents, were I to name them, in no particular order are:

Bullshitting (both the act of talking and of being able to convince people I know what the hell I am talking about when in fact I couldn't have less of a clue, very helpful in college)

Finding small problems with strangers' faces (very useful for making up mean names for people after they are rude to you, a talent garnered by years of public service jobs--For instance--'Weasel face', 'frantic eyebrows', 'she sweater')

Pretending things don't bother me (also known as "Ignore the problem and it will go away" or "Becoming a ball of walking stress", see also "Bottling emotions until you explode like a shaken bottle of cheap champagne in a rap video from the mid nineties")

Being wildly anal retentive about random shit that means nothing to anyone but me (i.e. how the bed is made up, in what order I do things in the shower, how the laundry is folded (and in what order things are washed), how my socks feel)

Being a doormat (see also "pretending things don't bother me" and "ignore the problem and it will go away", can be found under "cannot say no" and "will do anything to feel like people like her")


I have too much spare time. No? I know I have other talents, like cooking, and making innappropriate choices in pants and so on, but those ones arent as funny. Right?