For My Final Trick

I really wish I could sleep. If I could sleep, I wouldn't have thoughts that spiral out of control rolling through my head. I'm sitting in the house, blissfully alone (T and M are at work, J is out with the 'ladies', or at least that's what he's telling people) wondering who keeps calling me at this hour. Two phone calls, both different rings than normal (on my house phone!) both hang up the moment my hand touches the phone. It's not T, I called the control room and asked him.

Sorta creepy, were you into that sort of thing.

I am not, really. "The call is coming from inside the house!"

Anyway.

My ex-fiance got married a month ago. To the fat girl with the square head, who also happens to be the second person he cheated on me with. (That I know of.)

I am wildly unaffected by this information. I mean, really. I know that I am bringing it up on the blog, and therefore I have at least given it some thought, but I'm not mad, or upset, or really....anything. That time in my life is thankfully over.

I dated him immediately after T dumped my ass in HS. (Oh yes he did.) I dated this other dude, who doesn't deserve an initial, on and off for 4 years. He cheated, lied, was insane and did various sundry other bad things to me (and in general) the entire time we were together. I was young and really stupid.

We still have a lot of friends-in-common. This is the part that makes me smile--I'm getting to it.

Now, I am not a shallow person. But I am human, and sometimes, I derive sick pleasure from things......Like, oh, the knowledge that our friends-in-common have told him that T and I are not only back together, but getting married.

I know there is a good chance that he is as unaffected by my nuptials as I am of his. But unless he is a totally changed man from the last time I spoke to him--his ass, it is chapped.

His ass is chapped because he hated T. T hated him. Before I was even in the equation, these two didn't like each other. His ass is chapped because all of his friends, not just the ones that were also friends of mine, told him he was making a mistake when he and I ended things. Told him that he was 'downsizing', that I was a catch.

He obviously disagreed. I am glad that he did.

I haven't ever met the woman, but I am sure that she is lovely. (Even if she is fat and has a square head. But body type and head shape do not a lovely woman make.) He was (and is, I'm sure) a very funny and engaging man, and it would take a certain caliber of person to be with him.

I hope that they are happy together. I hope they are swathed in marital bliss for the rest of their days.

T is banking on them being at his class reunion next year. (Yes, we all went to HS together.) He is banking on shaking his hand, meeting the wife. Introducing me as his wife. Of seeing the look on my ex's face.

I am banking on my knowledge of the inner workings of this man's brain, and believe that he will avoid us like the plague itself. Which is probably a good thing, because T likes to remind people that have wronged me/us of how awesome we are, especially if he has had a scotch or 15. Endearing, yes, but on a case sensitive basis, perhaps.

And I really have no interest in seeing him again. I wouldn't stab him or anything--I really don't wish him any ill will, as much as I probably should. But I don't think he deserves the energy of forced pleasantries.

This post has no point. Nothing I type after 2 am is worth a shit....like last night, for example. The point is, it's almost 4am and I can't sleep. I have watched more TV than I care to admit, I have blown through a ton of knitting, I have read chapter upon chapter in my book. And so now I am writing a blog post about how I feel nothing about the fact that my cheating ex fiance got married.

Good Lord, I am one of 'those' bloggers. Perhaps that's who keeps calling my house--the Emo-Hipster police. They've gotten wind of my dreary self-righteousness, my misuse of internet space....and they're here to stop me.

That paragraph alone tells me I need to go to bed. Sorry, everyone. Maybe I will come back through and delete this under the cold light of afternoon.