Problems with not listening to the radio, reading the news, watching any television besides the food network, or keeping in steady contact with those who feed your obscure taste in music (Please forgive me, Mr.N!):
You miss out on information like, oh, the fact that KMFDM has a new album out.
I never thought I would say this....but myspace told me. And I am happy.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Welcome back!
Ah, my old friend, Insomnia....how I haven't missed you one fucking bit.
It's 2:30am. I'm depressed. So what the fuck else is new.
warning:This post may and probably will contain bitter, self depreciating, semi confusing comments and remarks. proceed at your own risk.
How do you put a monetary figure on someones life? how do you ask to be compensated for the years they DON'T get to have--especially if they were sick?
My sisters are talking about this. they are using me, and my young age, non-marital status, childless, non fully college educated existence to pump up the potential sum my fathers few years left of life may have been worth. why? Why are they doing this? I'm confused, and saddened. what kind of money is it worth to me to have a father-daughter dance at my wedding? what if dad couldn't walk by then? he was on oxygen full time. what is it worth to me to have him hold his newest grandchild? to see me get my masters degree?
I don't want to ask these questions, as, well, I'm not going to have a father-daughter dance. He will never meet any more grandchildren, and will not pose for pictures with me in my collegiate cap and gown. it's worth nothing, and everything to me.
My sisters had all that. he met their kids, danced at their weddings, made speeches. Celebrated birthdays, holidays with them and their new families. Got to see his grandchildren grow up.
I don't get it. my step dad is dead, my dad is dead. My children will have no maternal grandfathers. they will know only pictures and stories of these men. They will never experience dad at his worst, calling names and being a racist. They will never hear the made up swear words, the dry wit, the laughter. have the virtues of german sports cars extolled upon them by the old man.
What is it worth to me? I would give anything I have to have my dad back. To be able to get up tomorrow morning and have him sitting in his chair, banging the newspaper at me to make him a drink. To have to rearrange my life to make sure that he was taken care of, to be on constant red alert that something may happen. I would give anything, everything to see him one more time and tell him I'm sorry--I'm sorry that he fell, that I didn't catch him or even try. that I didn't demand to talk to the doctor when I called the hospital, that I didn't spend every fucking moment I could with him before he died. That I worked 50 hour weeks while he sat at home alone up until the day he fucking died.
it breaks my fucking HEART to not have the old asshole around. Not sharing cigarettes, drinking martinis, telling dirty jokes. He drove me crazy, and I loved him.
We never had a good relationship until I moved back here--and then he got so sick, so fast. I didn't tell him I loved him before he died. I hadn't hugged him, kissed him, in years. Granted, we weren't an affectionate family....and had I known, I would have.....But when we had our last conversation, I didn't want him to know I was scared, because then he would have been scared too. He knew me well enough to know that if I was crying, if I told him I loved him, that something was really wrong. I didn't want his last moments to be filled with fear....I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. I didn't know that he was going to die five minutes later. I had to lock myself in the hospital bathroom after he fell, because I was fucking hysterical. I didn't want dad to know.
I just miss my dad. i resent my sisters for just wanting the fucking money and not caring that he's gone....especially since they got all the memories I wont. that my kids won't. it hurts.
It's 2:30am. I'm depressed. So what the fuck else is new.
warning:This post may and probably will contain bitter, self depreciating, semi confusing comments and remarks. proceed at your own risk.
How do you put a monetary figure on someones life? how do you ask to be compensated for the years they DON'T get to have--especially if they were sick?
My sisters are talking about this. they are using me, and my young age, non-marital status, childless, non fully college educated existence to pump up the potential sum my fathers few years left of life may have been worth. why? Why are they doing this? I'm confused, and saddened. what kind of money is it worth to me to have a father-daughter dance at my wedding? what if dad couldn't walk by then? he was on oxygen full time. what is it worth to me to have him hold his newest grandchild? to see me get my masters degree?
I don't want to ask these questions, as, well, I'm not going to have a father-daughter dance. He will never meet any more grandchildren, and will not pose for pictures with me in my collegiate cap and gown. it's worth nothing, and everything to me.
My sisters had all that. he met their kids, danced at their weddings, made speeches. Celebrated birthdays, holidays with them and their new families. Got to see his grandchildren grow up.
I don't get it. my step dad is dead, my dad is dead. My children will have no maternal grandfathers. they will know only pictures and stories of these men. They will never experience dad at his worst, calling names and being a racist. They will never hear the made up swear words, the dry wit, the laughter. have the virtues of german sports cars extolled upon them by the old man.
What is it worth to me? I would give anything I have to have my dad back. To be able to get up tomorrow morning and have him sitting in his chair, banging the newspaper at me to make him a drink. To have to rearrange my life to make sure that he was taken care of, to be on constant red alert that something may happen. I would give anything, everything to see him one more time and tell him I'm sorry--I'm sorry that he fell, that I didn't catch him or even try. that I didn't demand to talk to the doctor when I called the hospital, that I didn't spend every fucking moment I could with him before he died. That I worked 50 hour weeks while he sat at home alone up until the day he fucking died.
it breaks my fucking HEART to not have the old asshole around. Not sharing cigarettes, drinking martinis, telling dirty jokes. He drove me crazy, and I loved him.
We never had a good relationship until I moved back here--and then he got so sick, so fast. I didn't tell him I loved him before he died. I hadn't hugged him, kissed him, in years. Granted, we weren't an affectionate family....and had I known, I would have.....But when we had our last conversation, I didn't want him to know I was scared, because then he would have been scared too. He knew me well enough to know that if I was crying, if I told him I loved him, that something was really wrong. I didn't want his last moments to be filled with fear....I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. I didn't know that he was going to die five minutes later. I had to lock myself in the hospital bathroom after he fell, because I was fucking hysterical. I didn't want dad to know.
I just miss my dad. i resent my sisters for just wanting the fucking money and not caring that he's gone....especially since they got all the memories I wont. that my kids won't. it hurts.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Explosions!
Why does really weird crap always happen to me? I mean, really.
I have been working hard on getting sick the last few days. Everyone I work with has had some malady or another lately, and it's only a matter of time before we cross contaminate each other and create new illnesses, which of course I fall victim too. I can't just get the cold, no, or the flu, I have to get the flold, or the colu (which sounds too much like a Lovecraft-ism for me, actually.)
basically, I felt like crap for the last 2 days. Not crappy enough not to go to work, but just like....crap. Tired, achy, sneezy, coughing. Crap. I powered through work, taking airborne and vitamins in a crusade to give myself kidney stones instead of getting sick. (And drinking lots of water, too. Peeing is my new hobby.)
Night before last, I am sitting in my bedroom, dicking around on the Internet and arguing with my immune system. Doing my thing. I have one of those oil diffusers--you know, the glass thing you put the candle under, which then heats up the little divot above it you have filled with scented oil. Yeah. That thing.
Anyway, I'm cheap and bought my oil at the Super Huge Discount Store for $1. It was working fine....Until.....
I'm typing away, and suddenly, there is a BANG! followed shortly by the sound of rain. I glance to my left, and everything, I mean EVERYTHING on that side of the room is covered in a fine sheen of Hazelnut vanilla scented oil. Which is also steaming hot.
What I figure happened was the oil evaporated most of the moisture out of it, and then formed a skin on the top, which then began to fill with steam/pressure from what was underneath it, and then it reached critical mass and exploded all over my bedroom.
This would be more funny if it hadn't blasted itself all over the ceiling. How the hell am I going to clean it up without moving all the furniture? I'm not.
There was another explosion yesterday.
My fever.
I slept and slept and slept, got up, showered, slept. Fixed my hair, slept. Drug my ass to work. Before I left, I took my temperature.
102.4.
So I took 4 tylenols and walked to work.
I walked in the door and informed everyone I walked into "Don't touch me, and wash your hands after you touch anything I touched--I'm burning 102 degree fever!"
Management accepted this information with a resounding "Good Job! Way to be a team player!"
I assume they meant my powering through it and still working.
Anyway, i was working a banquet last night, which is fine. Easy money.
These fuckers wouldn't leave. WOULD NOT LEAVE! Most of them went up and went to bed at 9:40 or so, AN HOUR AFTER THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE, but the rest stayed. and stayed. and stayed. Ordered more bottles of wine.
It's about this time that I nearly lost it. I felt like ASS. FEVER. SICK. WANT TO GO HOME. everyone else has left, all the servers, the kitchen staff. It's just me, standing there, waiting for them to LEAVE SO I CAN.
I clear everything they aren't using. all glasses, napkins, silverware. One man orders another bottle of wine. I ask him if my clearing this stuff is a problem, he says no. I explain that I have to stay longer than they do, so, well, yeah....
He says, and I quote! "Well, good for you, honey! We're going to be here a while!".
I nearly hit him.
I called T and told him what was up. Unbeknownst to me, he was sitting in my house waiting for me, so he came down to the restaurant to wait for me/drive me home.
I grabbed him like I was drowning. the moment he touched me, he jumped back, put a hand to my forehead and said, "Jesus!", which I took to meant I was still burning a fever through the tylenol, and not that my hair had all fallen out or anything.
I made an executive decision.
I walked into the banquet room, and said,
"Gentlemen, would you be horribly offended if I left you here on your own? I have an 8 month old baby at home with the flu, and I would really like to get back to her."
I was met with a resounding "GO HOME!" from these men. I gave them more wine, and left.
To go take care of myself. (I really hope creating fake children to earn the sympathy of strangers isn't going to have me smote in any way.....I suppose we will see.)
Oh, and I'm feeling better today. I think I beat the fever. Hoping.
I have been working hard on getting sick the last few days. Everyone I work with has had some malady or another lately, and it's only a matter of time before we cross contaminate each other and create new illnesses, which of course I fall victim too. I can't just get the cold, no, or the flu, I have to get the flold, or the colu (which sounds too much like a Lovecraft-ism for me, actually.)
basically, I felt like crap for the last 2 days. Not crappy enough not to go to work, but just like....crap. Tired, achy, sneezy, coughing. Crap. I powered through work, taking airborne and vitamins in a crusade to give myself kidney stones instead of getting sick. (And drinking lots of water, too. Peeing is my new hobby.)
Night before last, I am sitting in my bedroom, dicking around on the Internet and arguing with my immune system. Doing my thing. I have one of those oil diffusers--you know, the glass thing you put the candle under, which then heats up the little divot above it you have filled with scented oil. Yeah. That thing.
Anyway, I'm cheap and bought my oil at the Super Huge Discount Store for $1. It was working fine....Until.....
I'm typing away, and suddenly, there is a BANG! followed shortly by the sound of rain. I glance to my left, and everything, I mean EVERYTHING on that side of the room is covered in a fine sheen of Hazelnut vanilla scented oil. Which is also steaming hot.
What I figure happened was the oil evaporated most of the moisture out of it, and then formed a skin on the top, which then began to fill with steam/pressure from what was underneath it, and then it reached critical mass and exploded all over my bedroom.
This would be more funny if it hadn't blasted itself all over the ceiling. How the hell am I going to clean it up without moving all the furniture? I'm not.
There was another explosion yesterday.
My fever.
I slept and slept and slept, got up, showered, slept. Fixed my hair, slept. Drug my ass to work. Before I left, I took my temperature.
102.4.
So I took 4 tylenols and walked to work.
I walked in the door and informed everyone I walked into "Don't touch me, and wash your hands after you touch anything I touched--I'm burning 102 degree fever!"
Management accepted this information with a resounding "Good Job! Way to be a team player!"
I assume they meant my powering through it and still working.
Anyway, i was working a banquet last night, which is fine. Easy money.
These fuckers wouldn't leave. WOULD NOT LEAVE! Most of them went up and went to bed at 9:40 or so, AN HOUR AFTER THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE, but the rest stayed. and stayed. and stayed. Ordered more bottles of wine.
It's about this time that I nearly lost it. I felt like ASS. FEVER. SICK. WANT TO GO HOME. everyone else has left, all the servers, the kitchen staff. It's just me, standing there, waiting for them to LEAVE SO I CAN.
I clear everything they aren't using. all glasses, napkins, silverware. One man orders another bottle of wine. I ask him if my clearing this stuff is a problem, he says no. I explain that I have to stay longer than they do, so, well, yeah....
He says, and I quote! "Well, good for you, honey! We're going to be here a while!".
I nearly hit him.
I called T and told him what was up. Unbeknownst to me, he was sitting in my house waiting for me, so he came down to the restaurant to wait for me/drive me home.
I grabbed him like I was drowning. the moment he touched me, he jumped back, put a hand to my forehead and said, "Jesus!", which I took to meant I was still burning a fever through the tylenol, and not that my hair had all fallen out or anything.
I made an executive decision.
I walked into the banquet room, and said,
"Gentlemen, would you be horribly offended if I left you here on your own? I have an 8 month old baby at home with the flu, and I would really like to get back to her."
I was met with a resounding "GO HOME!" from these men. I gave them more wine, and left.
To go take care of myself. (I really hope creating fake children to earn the sympathy of strangers isn't going to have me smote in any way.....I suppose we will see.)
Oh, and I'm feeling better today. I think I beat the fever. Hoping.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Always look on the bright side.......
One good thing about my job-----
I have been working at the other restaurant this week, and as much as I normally fucking hate it there....
I get to eat Filet Fucking Mignon every day for free. With blue cheese butter. Cooked just the way I like it--Bloody. With black pepper garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus. FREE. Bitches.
Considering the fact that since I have started living alone (nearly 2 months now) my diet has consisted of little more than slim fast, lean cuisine, peanut butter on a spoon and poptarts, this is a good thing. Oh, and diet soda. (as we speak, I have a jar of skippy sitting next to me with an Iced Tea spoon in it--better to reach the nooks and crannies with, you see.)
It's the small things in life.
What else....I slept the kind of sleep that people cry about, it's so beautiful, last night. I totally hit my stride--firing on all five cylinders and everything. For 13 hours. I had to be at work at 2pm and nearly overslept. In......deed.
These are the good things. Yes.
Also, this made me smile in more ways than I can really describe. It's a response to a newspaper article printed in Australia which lambasts homosexuality. (I also stole this from a myspace blog of someone that hates me. Weird.....but I site my sources!)
"Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your article, and will try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Kiwis, but not Fijians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Fijians? I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."
I have been working at the other restaurant this week, and as much as I normally fucking hate it there....
I get to eat Filet Fucking Mignon every day for free. With blue cheese butter. Cooked just the way I like it--Bloody. With black pepper garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus. FREE. Bitches.
Considering the fact that since I have started living alone (nearly 2 months now) my diet has consisted of little more than slim fast, lean cuisine, peanut butter on a spoon and poptarts, this is a good thing. Oh, and diet soda. (as we speak, I have a jar of skippy sitting next to me with an Iced Tea spoon in it--better to reach the nooks and crannies with, you see.)
It's the small things in life.
What else....I slept the kind of sleep that people cry about, it's so beautiful, last night. I totally hit my stride--firing on all five cylinders and everything. For 13 hours. I had to be at work at 2pm and nearly overslept. In......deed.
These are the good things. Yes.
Also, this made me smile in more ways than I can really describe. It's a response to a newspaper article printed in Australia which lambasts homosexuality. (I also stole this from a myspace blog of someone that hates me. Weird.....but I site my sources!)
"Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your article, and will try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Kiwis, but not Fijians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Fijians? I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Pseudo Meme
100 Odd or Interesting Things About Me......
(This is more of a commitment than one would think. 100 is a lot.)
1) I never learned to ride a bike properly.
2) Nor did I learn how to swim properly either.
3) Despite the fact that I don't swim well at ALL, unless you compare me to a rock, I spent most of my formative years aboard a boat.
3) I suffered from night terrors as a child, and, because this is me we are talking about here, am one of the small percentage of adults that didn't grow out of them.
4) I have no enamel on my back teeth, and have to have them sealed once a year.
5) My favorite colors are royal purple, sapphire blue and emerald green.
6) I am terrified of moths.
7) I prefer a car with a manual transmission.
8) I am lost without a book. I always have to have some book I'm working my way through in order to be totally sane.
9) I love British humor.
10) I love cooking complicated, intricate things.
11) I knit often, but haven't progressed past "advanced beginner". I started my first sock yesterday, and I already fear for those around me when it gets complicated.
12) I hate crying. I will go to great lengths to keep myself from doing so, even when I am alone.
13) Reality television makes me embarrassed.
14) I will go out of my way to try and get someone a gift that I know they will love, and am always confused when someone does the same for me.
15) I am a control freak about really strange things. The order in which I shower, for instance. (HAIR FIRST! ALWAYS!)
16) I love to try new food. I blame my parents for this, as I was required to at least taste something before I said I didn't like it. I hated it as a kid, but now am proud to say that I have eaten things like cougar (tastes like pork), octopus, (Not that great. Texture, mostly) and Ugly fruit (it really is ugly).
17) In that same vein, I have eaten live fish. I don't recommend it, no matter how much Korean hot sauce you put on them first.
18) My favorite books cause either a)learning to happen or b)are totally fucked up. I own everything Chuck Palahniuk has written, as well as multiple anthologies on religion, mythology and the history of bread making.
19) I am rarely jealous.
20) I judge people far, far too harshly sometimes, and not harshly enough the rest of the time. I need to find some middle ground.
21) The idea of having a child terrifies me because I fear it would feel about me the way I feel about my mother.
22) I trust hardly anyone, but will tell anyone anything about myself if they ask, fully expecting them to use it against me at some point.
23) Since I was a small child, I have wanted to be an author and an English teacher, as well as a pastry chef. I'm not sure how you can combine those three things into a lucrative career.
24) I only watch television if it is readily available. If it isn't, I often don't notice for a while.
25) After my father died, I didn't turn the television on for nearly 3 weeks simply because it wasn't on when I walked in the door and I forgot about it.
26) I love techno/house music. I also love industrial/metal music. This confuses most people.
27) I believe in having a strong work ethic, even if you hate your fucking job.
28) I have never had a job I loved.
29) I hated college.
30) I find myself dissatisfied with at least one thing in my life at all times.
31) I refuse to own anything that is dry-clean-only.
32) I will buy things that cannot go in the dishwasher, much to the distress of my late father.
33) Blue pens bother me more than they should.
34) I don't really believe in family.
35) Being genetically related to someone shouldn't mean you have to love them, or see them if you don't want to.
36) I am a firm believer in evolution and natural selection.
37) I believe in capital punishment, but feel that death row inmates should not be kept separate from other prisoners.
38) I always vote.
39) I don't trust police officers. The only ones I do I knew personally before I knew they were cops.
40) I know I don't trust the police because the cops where I used to live were crooked as all get out.
41) And they shot and killed my stepfather in my front yard, that may have something to do with it too.
42) Somehow I seem to be more traumatized by my father's death than my stepfathers, and I was far, far closer to my step dad.
43) Everyone in my immediate family has/has had a substance abuse problem of some kind.
44) Organized religion confuses me.
45) I get motion sickness terribly. I came into this as an adult.
46) I had the chickenpox twice.
47) I have never broken a bone.
48) The worst job I ever had was either in a library or a veterinary clinic. Tied.
49) I have only had one job I wasn't really good at.
50) I believe in karmic retribution.
51) I hate to shop for clothes.
52) I have more pairs of socks than I will ever need, yet buy more constantly.
53) I didn't have acne of any kind until I turned 19. It was like the zit switch got flipped on my 19th birthday or something.
54) Snow makes me angry.
55) Rain makes me happy.
56) I get sunburned when it's overcast.
57) If I could afford it, I would get braces.
58) My teeth are not horribly crooked in any way that effects the way I look, smile or talk.
59) My bite is wrong in about 48573 ways, which causes me to have tension headaches a lot.
60) Everyone in my family gets migraine headaches.
61) My favorite sports to watch are Hockey, Sailing, Soccer and Porn.
62) Anyone that tries to tell me that porn isn't a sport is wrong.
63) I would like to welcome everyone all the "Porn isn't a sport" googlers and the like to this site.
64) Eighties music makes me happy.
65) Eighties clothes being back in style does not.
66) Two of my sisters had catholic weddings. They are both atheists.
67) I have nieces and nephews that are older than me.
68) I am a cat person.
69) I hate flying.
70) I plan on travelling a lot in my life. Thank God for Xanax.
81) I am pro choice.
82) I am a bad cell phone owner. I don't take the phone with me very often, and when I do, I forget to turn it on. This is a recent development.
83) I believe that laughing will fix a lot of what's wrong with you.
84) The hardest class I took in college was Buddhism.
85) The most boring class I took in college was Archaeology.
86) The most interesting class I took in college was Human Sexuality. (also the most horrifying, actually.)
87) I took five years of Spanish, and forgot almost all of it.
88) I have six tattoos, one of which is readily visible.
89) The conservative retirees I wait on at work are typically tickled by the fact that I have tattoos.
90) That makes my brain hurt more than anything else.
91) I have no patience for most people.
92) I feel guilty when those close to me fuck up.
93) I drink water very, very rarely and I know that it is so bad for me to do that.
94) I secretly love Ludacris and Busta Rhymes.
95) Nascar makes me want to tear my own eyes out.
96) I don't like toast, but eat it anyway because it reminds me of my step dad.
97) I was raised on peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches instead of peanut butter and jelly.
98) I realized I was an adult about a year and a half ago.
99) I am anemic.
100) I watch the food network almost 100% of the time.
Damn, I'm boring! Haha.
(This is more of a commitment than one would think. 100 is a lot.)
1) I never learned to ride a bike properly.
2) Nor did I learn how to swim properly either.
3) Despite the fact that I don't swim well at ALL, unless you compare me to a rock, I spent most of my formative years aboard a boat.
3) I suffered from night terrors as a child, and, because this is me we are talking about here, am one of the small percentage of adults that didn't grow out of them.
4) I have no enamel on my back teeth, and have to have them sealed once a year.
5) My favorite colors are royal purple, sapphire blue and emerald green.
6) I am terrified of moths.
7) I prefer a car with a manual transmission.
8) I am lost without a book. I always have to have some book I'm working my way through in order to be totally sane.
9) I love British humor.
10) I love cooking complicated, intricate things.
11) I knit often, but haven't progressed past "advanced beginner". I started my first sock yesterday, and I already fear for those around me when it gets complicated.
12) I hate crying. I will go to great lengths to keep myself from doing so, even when I am alone.
13) Reality television makes me embarrassed.
14) I will go out of my way to try and get someone a gift that I know they will love, and am always confused when someone does the same for me.
15) I am a control freak about really strange things. The order in which I shower, for instance. (HAIR FIRST! ALWAYS!)
16) I love to try new food. I blame my parents for this, as I was required to at least taste something before I said I didn't like it. I hated it as a kid, but now am proud to say that I have eaten things like cougar (tastes like pork), octopus, (Not that great. Texture, mostly) and Ugly fruit (it really is ugly).
17) In that same vein, I have eaten live fish. I don't recommend it, no matter how much Korean hot sauce you put on them first.
18) My favorite books cause either a)learning to happen or b)are totally fucked up. I own everything Chuck Palahniuk has written, as well as multiple anthologies on religion, mythology and the history of bread making.
19) I am rarely jealous.
20) I judge people far, far too harshly sometimes, and not harshly enough the rest of the time. I need to find some middle ground.
21) The idea of having a child terrifies me because I fear it would feel about me the way I feel about my mother.
22) I trust hardly anyone, but will tell anyone anything about myself if they ask, fully expecting them to use it against me at some point.
23) Since I was a small child, I have wanted to be an author and an English teacher, as well as a pastry chef. I'm not sure how you can combine those three things into a lucrative career.
24) I only watch television if it is readily available. If it isn't, I often don't notice for a while.
25) After my father died, I didn't turn the television on for nearly 3 weeks simply because it wasn't on when I walked in the door and I forgot about it.
26) I love techno/house music. I also love industrial/metal music. This confuses most people.
27) I believe in having a strong work ethic, even if you hate your fucking job.
28) I have never had a job I loved.
29) I hated college.
30) I find myself dissatisfied with at least one thing in my life at all times.
31) I refuse to own anything that is dry-clean-only.
32) I will buy things that cannot go in the dishwasher, much to the distress of my late father.
33) Blue pens bother me more than they should.
34) I don't really believe in family.
35) Being genetically related to someone shouldn't mean you have to love them, or see them if you don't want to.
36) I am a firm believer in evolution and natural selection.
37) I believe in capital punishment, but feel that death row inmates should not be kept separate from other prisoners.
38) I always vote.
39) I don't trust police officers. The only ones I do I knew personally before I knew they were cops.
40) I know I don't trust the police because the cops where I used to live were crooked as all get out.
41) And they shot and killed my stepfather in my front yard, that may have something to do with it too.
42) Somehow I seem to be more traumatized by my father's death than my stepfathers, and I was far, far closer to my step dad.
43) Everyone in my immediate family has/has had a substance abuse problem of some kind.
44) Organized religion confuses me.
45) I get motion sickness terribly. I came into this as an adult.
46) I had the chickenpox twice.
47) I have never broken a bone.
48) The worst job I ever had was either in a library or a veterinary clinic. Tied.
49) I have only had one job I wasn't really good at.
50) I believe in karmic retribution.
51) I hate to shop for clothes.
52) I have more pairs of socks than I will ever need, yet buy more constantly.
53) I didn't have acne of any kind until I turned 19. It was like the zit switch got flipped on my 19th birthday or something.
54) Snow makes me angry.
55) Rain makes me happy.
56) I get sunburned when it's overcast.
57) If I could afford it, I would get braces.
58) My teeth are not horribly crooked in any way that effects the way I look, smile or talk.
59) My bite is wrong in about 48573 ways, which causes me to have tension headaches a lot.
60) Everyone in my family gets migraine headaches.
61) My favorite sports to watch are Hockey, Sailing, Soccer and Porn.
62) Anyone that tries to tell me that porn isn't a sport is wrong.
63) I would like to welcome everyone all the "Porn isn't a sport" googlers and the like to this site.
64) Eighties music makes me happy.
65) Eighties clothes being back in style does not.
66) Two of my sisters had catholic weddings. They are both atheists.
67) I have nieces and nephews that are older than me.
68) I am a cat person.
69) I hate flying.
70) I plan on travelling a lot in my life. Thank God for Xanax.
81) I am pro choice.
82) I am a bad cell phone owner. I don't take the phone with me very often, and when I do, I forget to turn it on. This is a recent development.
83) I believe that laughing will fix a lot of what's wrong with you.
84) The hardest class I took in college was Buddhism.
85) The most boring class I took in college was Archaeology.
86) The most interesting class I took in college was Human Sexuality. (also the most horrifying, actually.)
87) I took five years of Spanish, and forgot almost all of it.
88) I have six tattoos, one of which is readily visible.
89) The conservative retirees I wait on at work are typically tickled by the fact that I have tattoos.
90) That makes my brain hurt more than anything else.
91) I have no patience for most people.
92) I feel guilty when those close to me fuck up.
93) I drink water very, very rarely and I know that it is so bad for me to do that.
94) I secretly love Ludacris and Busta Rhymes.
95) Nascar makes me want to tear my own eyes out.
96) I don't like toast, but eat it anyway because it reminds me of my step dad.
97) I was raised on peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches instead of peanut butter and jelly.
98) I realized I was an adult about a year and a half ago.
99) I am anemic.
100) I watch the food network almost 100% of the time.
Damn, I'm boring! Haha.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I don't understand.
Alright, please bear with me on this one, I'm talking about things I know nothing about again.
Recently, every time you turn on Spike TV, there is a commercial about being a father. Reminding the men of America to talk to their children, play with them, be there for them....basically, a commercial advertising the act of being a parent.
See, I'm not a parent, and I am definitely not a father.....but have we deteriorated so much as a society that we truly need a commercial like these?
I come from something of a "do it yourself" parenting style household--meaning that both of my biological parents were too busy either getting wasted or being as far away from home as possible--I was kinda in charge of myself from a reasonably young age. If these commercials had been around 20 or so years ago....Would it have made a difference in my life? Would I have had a more 'normal' childhood/adolescence? I doubt it very much.
But if these ads are working, and even just one kid's life is made better by them, then I support them wholeheartedly. As much as I find it rather depressing that we live in a nation that requires them.
Recently, every time you turn on Spike TV, there is a commercial about being a father. Reminding the men of America to talk to their children, play with them, be there for them....basically, a commercial advertising the act of being a parent.
See, I'm not a parent, and I am definitely not a father.....but have we deteriorated so much as a society that we truly need a commercial like these?
I come from something of a "do it yourself" parenting style household--meaning that both of my biological parents were too busy either getting wasted or being as far away from home as possible--I was kinda in charge of myself from a reasonably young age. If these commercials had been around 20 or so years ago....Would it have made a difference in my life? Would I have had a more 'normal' childhood/adolescence? I doubt it very much.
But if these ads are working, and even just one kid's life is made better by them, then I support them wholeheartedly. As much as I find it rather depressing that we live in a nation that requires them.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Can I get a Hell Yes?
Ok, two posts in 10 minutes. Sorry.
I saw this on someones blog, and could NOT stop laughing. (I assume my late father is making good on his promise to save me a seat on the Trolley Car to hell--He's bringing the booze if I bring the smokes, E is in charge of the porn.) (Is is really weird that that was a running joke with me and dad? Not that hilarious now that he's dead. Anyway.)(If dad is making good on this promise, my laughter at this thing is basically getting my name embroidered on the seat next to his. Maybe an extra fan or something, as I assume we won't need blankets, as we are going to hell, after all.)
This is a poster found in San Fransisco, aimed towards gay men, who are the largest contributing population of recreational methamphetamine use (apparently) in that area. Apparently it is used prior to 'casual hook ups'. I am by no means an expert on this research, and I am not gay, a man, or a user of meth, so, well, there you have it.
But I do know funny.
This is funny.
Right?
At least you won't forget it. And that, my friends, is the goal of advertising, right?
I saw this on someones blog, and could NOT stop laughing. (I assume my late father is making good on his promise to save me a seat on the Trolley Car to hell--He's bringing the booze if I bring the smokes, E is in charge of the porn.) (Is is really weird that that was a running joke with me and dad? Not that hilarious now that he's dead. Anyway.)(If dad is making good on this promise, my laughter at this thing is basically getting my name embroidered on the seat next to his. Maybe an extra fan or something, as I assume we won't need blankets, as we are going to hell, after all.)
This is a poster found in San Fransisco, aimed towards gay men, who are the largest contributing population of recreational methamphetamine use (apparently) in that area. Apparently it is used prior to 'casual hook ups'. I am by no means an expert on this research, and I am not gay, a man, or a user of meth, so, well, there you have it.
But I do know funny.
This is funny.
Right?
At least you won't forget it. And that, my friends, is the goal of advertising, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
