Ruined

There are things in this world, that if I am exposed to, ruin me. For days. Things like animal cruelty. i have spoken of this briefly elsewhere, but I dont know that anyone truly understands. Hell, I dont understand it, I know that I love animals, but I really dont know where this total physical and emotional intolerance of it stems from.

There is an ASPCA commerical that I saw, and sobbed openly. Then I vomited. Hours later, I recounted this story to Thomas, and there was more sobbing. Its a commericial.

Just recently, I was half watching a program about a serial killer, and he began to talk about how he started his sociopathic behavior. The things he had done to animals, cats. Dogs. I had to change the channel, but wasn't fast enough. 2 things made it out in sound and in picture before I could change the channel, and this is going to haunt me for hours, if not days. I will have nightmares about it.

I have always loved animals and despised, with the whole of my being, the abuse of animals in any form. But lately it has intensified. Im not sure why or how, or if this is a good thing or not.

The only thing that is giving me any solace about the serial killer is that he is serving multipule life sentances for murder. I understand that this has nothing to do with the cruelty he dealt those animals, but knowing that he is being punished--period--is something. I have to dwell on that, that he will die-- sick, old, afraid and alone, in prison. It enrages me that animal cruelty is thrown by the wayside in the eyes of the law. However, when I think about doing something to help, I realize that in order to do that, I have to be exposed to pictures and stories of animal abuse and torture, and know that I cannot spend my days sobbing and vomiting.

So we have decided to save money, and donate it. ASPCA, here we come. That is something I can do, without having to throw up on a regular basis, right?

Fuck, I couldnt even work at a veterinary clinic. I sobbed every day when animals came in that were sick or hurt, and they all had good homes. the kittens from the humane society, tho, that ruined me.

On a totally different note, go rent "the lady in the water". i had broken up with M. Night Shaymalan (however you spell that) after "the village"--and watched this one against my will and actually really enjoyed it. so I guess he's back in.....for now.

Insert Appropriate Schreeching and Pointing Here

HOORAY/NOOOOO!/HOORAY/NOOOOO! (Look at the banner up top, dude.)

We totally reserved our copies of it as soon as we saw the sign, baby.

I am so fucking excited its almost embarrassing. Also, Im kinda scared, as this is the end. I dont want that.

But oh, do I want it.

Sassy Pants

I really have nothing to say that is good, really. Lots of bad things happening here, lots of family emergencies and sudden need for travel across multiple states and time zones. The car tried to set itself on fire while we were on our way to a funeral.

Theres a story for you--ask me sometime and I will tell you about it.

Im sleepy. But i dont want to ignore the blog anymore. So there.

Scrabessed

Is the best way to describe the feeling Im having at the moment. Sad+Crabby+Depressed.

Its what we do.

There are multiple factors contributing to this, Im sure. However, Im not going to make mention of any of them. So there.

Not smoking is going really well. I havent smoked, nor wanted to, really, since the Trainspotting-esque withdrawls of a few days ago. Thats helpful.

Went and got pedicures today, and I am now officially hooked. I want manicures and pedicures every week, thanks.

As much as it was the stereotypical Vietnamese woman who couldn't really speak english, and her (Im assuming?) daughters, it was nice. Relaxing. Except for where they file your feet. They didnt shave my feet (They shave callouses off with what looks like one of those.....Oh, what are they called.....Planers, almost. Those things they use to get perfect curls of cheese or chocolate, the big single blade thing. whatever.) Its a little horrifying. Reasons to not get callouses, I guess. Anyway, they pour this "softener" (its a chemical that makes dead skin get really, well, soft) on this fake pumice stone and just file the skin off your feet. I about ate my hand trying to not kick the nice Vietnamese woman in the face. Anyway, then they rub you and paint your toes and on and on, its lovely.

I think everyone should get one immediatly, if not sooner. Thanks.

Anyway, other than that....Nothing is new. No smoking, Im working out, and my feets is pretty. That about covers it. Back to work in the Morning, so I guess Im off.

Stuff it

Since I have not been smoking, my respitory system is going berzerk. People keep telling me that it is my body kicking all the bad shit that the cigarettes were putting in there out, but I think that it is my lungs and sinuses way of telling me that they miss the nicotine as much as the rest of me does.

Actually, Im doing really well today. I had heroin-esque withdrawls last night, seriously. Chills, nausea, dizzyness, the works. I thought I was getting the flu until people started telling me that they went through the same thing when they hit the 3 day marker. I havent really wanted to smoke all that bad all day. Well, I have wanted to, but nothing I couldnt power-clean my way out of. (thats right. I purged the kitchen of all unwanted detritus in about an hour today to distract myself from wanting to smoke.)

But I can only breathe out of one side of my nose. Its getting a little old. I am also smelling and tasting more things, which is interesting. Some smells are hurting me, which I wasn't expecting. Febreze stings my nose, and laundry detergent makes my eyes water. I like the smells, they are just.....SO POWERFUL. Food is new and exciting, as well.

I am taking a friend of mine out to lunch and pedicures tomorrow for her birthday, so we will see how that goes, as we are having curry (oh, how I love it) and I have never had a pedicure before. So my nose may burn and my feet may tickle, but so long as my friend is happy, thats what matters, right?

Well, Im having a nicotine fit at the moment, so I am going to go eat something I shouldnt. And try to sleep.

Later. All one of you that reads this. You know who you are. Sure, youre a blend of 2 people, but sharing is caring.

Time Wasters

After all the fun i had with the US census thing telling me that I dont exsist, I have been playing around with name generators and so on. Its interesting. The best site I have found for it so far is Russian, if you can believe that--Its an old link that my dad's gf sent me that I ignored. Anyway, you can go here , and despite all the Russian crazyness, type in your name and it will tell you your name in Russian and all sorts of other languages and alphabets, and there are other links to places like "Your Pimp Name", (LaShawn Bogyloge), your "Oz name" (Jellybean), and a bunch of other lovelies.

Anyway, if you have time to waste, try it out.

Sleeping With the Enemy

Every day when I go to work, my father accuses me of just that, sleeping with the enemy. See, the town in which we live is a resort town, and owned by a corporation. It wasnt always this way. People who have lived here for more than 10 years remember the days in which you could paint your house without corporate approval, had a say in landscaping, and could go out to eat without paying higher prices becuase, you guessed it, corporate gets a cut.

I dont mind sleeping with the enemy. I dont really agree with the corporation I work for, on any level, other than the fact that they have deemed me worthy to work for them and pay me more money than I have ever made. That I whole-heartedly concur with. Sign me up.

However.

I recieved my first paycheck of any substance today. For some reason, the corportation has not figured out exactly WHERE in the company I work, as my paycheck was sent to a totally different department. A department I have never worked in, let alone BEEN in for more than 10 minutes while at work. Did they look at my timecard? Apparently not, as it would have said....I WORK IN THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAY!

This is classic behavior from the company. Things like this happen regularly--It has been equated to a monkey rodeo before. Dont get me wrong--they have brought tourism and money to this sleepy little town, which is great--but they have also pissed a lot of people off and make retardo mistakes on a regular basis. Irregardless.

Im not terribly sure where I was going with this. I like my job, it pays well, the people are nice, but the company is a bunch of barrel-racing apes.

Sounds about right for Corporate America, no?